Best Friends Never Fade

Yesterday was a really special day because I was having lunch with my best friend from high school. It has been 10 years sense we had seen each other yet speaking to her on the phone sounded like it was just yesterday. The sense of familiarity in her voice reminded me of the feelings I share with my sisters. But before I take you through the motions of yesterday let me give you a brief history about our friendship.

Marcia and I met at Watershed boarding school in 1995 (I think that was form 1). I remember seeing her for the first time as she moved into the cubical next door to me. I think she was with her cousin and was talking away but I didn’t know it was her cousin and just though how can they be friends so quick. I was so nervous that first day of boarding school, I got shivers knowing very well that this was where I was going to spend the next 4 months away from home (Swaziland) and I was 14yrs old. I was even more scared about making friends.

But meeting Marcia was like an instantaneous friendship as we saw so many similarities in each other. For starts she was also far away from home – Zambia; we were the only two coloured girls in our form… well there was another girl Claudia but she was more whiter looking than coloured, oh and there was Cheryl but she was too mature for us so that didn’t count. So let me rephrase this, in form 1 Marcia and I were the only two, crazy loud mouth coloureds, with uncontrollable hair and a complete disinterest in boys.

Our wing prefect Alziera took a liking in us both probably because we were so crazy and fun and yet so far away from home. Getting favoured by the dorm prefect is like your ticket to surviving first year boarding school. We would get to sneak into her room and sit up and have tea with condense milk. Sometimes she would even let us sleep on her floor. Alziera to us was like an older sister. She shared stories about her boyfriends she was always so joyful and positive. Something both Marcia and I learned quickly from.

Form one was tough days for most of us. Some nights we would hear girls crying in their beds during lights out and these were the weekly boarders….. Yet Marcia and I wouldn’t see our moms for 4 months and these girls were crying. One night when someone was crying, one of the tough girls in our form probably, Tariro Gurupira because she wouldn’t take crap from nobody, shouted during lights-out, “COME ON SUCK IT UP, how do you think Kanya and Marcia feel when you are crying and you get to see your mom every weekend.” Marcia and I probably giggled in our beds.

Both Marcia and I were convinced the hostel was haunted by one legged Sam. He was a ghost that jumped off the train that passed by our school at early hours in the morning. Apparently some people have heard him walking down the corridors sounds like a nock then a slide, a nock then a slide. The nock was the sound of his wooden leg. I used to freak myself out just thinking about that sound…and probably convinced myself that I actually heard it. Some nights it was so bad that Marcia and I would have to sleep in the same bed. I still don’t’ know how we fitted in those single size metal beds with thin foam mattresses, but we did.

Although we were so young at this stage I really believe we learnt so much from each other because we were growing and it was a transformation phase. My friendship with Marcia helped me survive my Ugly duckling phase. Yup that’s what I called it….because of stress my exzema was bad and made me have patch skin which gave me the name PatchWork, I had a terrible afro which gave me the name FizzPop and I was terrified of boys…there was no name for that. Yet Marcia looked passed all that I was her friend and that’s what mattered. Marcia, Tanatsa and I were the TLC girls of the hostel, we gave each other names T-boz, Chilly and (gosh what was the other girls name. Marcia gave me confidence that I would be protected by the senior boys (Dennis and Mark) that would make fun of me when I walked passed. To this day I still have the letter in my diary from Marcia telling me that God will protect me from the boys and that everything would be okay.

But like any friendship we go through phases and Marcia and I started really growing up. The similarities we saw in each other and valued almost became the downfall of our friendships. Soon we were named ladies of the Spice girls, I was Posh spice and she was Scary spice. People compared us which in turn made us compare ourselves to each other…Scary spice was definitely more prettier than Posh spice…L. Soon our boobs started growing and we actually started caring what the boys would think. Because we were so similar the same types of guys would like us and we would like the same types of guys. As I read through my diaries I write as if it is Marcia that changed but really it was me. Everything felt like a competition in some strange way. But instead of us building each other up I think we thought it would be best to keep our friendship at just friends and not best friends probably both thinking that it would be healthier for us both. I think we would probably have been a lot happier if we kept our best friendship because in loosing that I think we destroyed each other. This was something I felt so ashamed of.

By the time boarding school was over, I had never felt so lost in my life, yet I was now forced to move onto the next phase of life, University. Arriving in Canada was probably just as scary as arriving to my first day at boarding school. Although I was older, 19yrs old, I was 100 times infact a zillion times further away from home. This time I had no idea when I would see my family again. I had the same friendship fears as form one but this time I thought who would want to be friends with me because I was so unless at keeping my high school friendships, jealous and self centred.

Then I met Jackie Lee, in health class 101, a half Korean half Canadian talkative chick who after class invited herself over for lunch at my dorm. I remember thinking gosh she talks so much and yet she thought I talked too much and could hardly understand my accent. In my diaries I wrote about how I could never be friends with her because she was too good looking and I may not be able to handle my own jealousy levels.

But Gods plan was different and we were able to build a friendship that would last throughout university. From abusive relationships to successful ones we learnt how to support each other. The successes and failures in our lives built us into where we are today. From being broke to being rich…it didn’t matter coz our friendship was constant. Here again in a completely different continent I found similarities about myself in someone else. We were both half breeds, both liked to dance, both Loved God, both adventurous, both deep and meaningful. Yet we were so different too, Jackie was a bit more aggressive in perusing her dreams, I was more slow and steady, she loved the fast life of the city and the nice cars and clothes, it didn’t matter as much to me; Jackie could network with the rich and famous with ease but I would pretend like I was the rich and famous; Jackie liked facts to believe and I believed more based on feelings.
When I left Canada to come to South Africa, for Good, it was like first year boarding school, first year University all over again. This time my fears were that I had no friends here and I would have to start afresh…at the age of 27yrs but this time I had a husband and I was closer to home. I have managed to make friends here and their but I have had a deep longing for that strong friendship. I look at my husband who has managed to keep all his high school friends and I almost get a sense of disappointment that I have made so many friends, but here I am at 28yrs and where are my close friends that I have made over the years of my life.
















Then two weeks ago I get a message for Marcia saying she can’t believe we haven’t met up yet. She lives right close to where I work. I got a sense of excitement and also fear at the thought of meeting her again. Maybe it was the fears of our lousy high school endings. I have been reading through all my diaries lately just reflecting on life and capturing all the places where I talk about Avon. It has made me think about Marcia more than usual. Probably because when you read back on things, when you are more mature, you have a greater sense of the bigger picture. I realised where I went wrong in our friendship and had a strange feeling of curiosity on whether we could make it right again.
So my day yesterday at work was really hectic and I just had a feeling like this was not what I needed just before I was going to meet Marcia. I was already anxious as it was. But meeting her was like a breath of fresh air. It brought a tear to my eye. We had so much to catch up on and so many things to express. As we sat and chatted away it was like we never “separated.” Here we were 10 years later both married and both living in Gauteng. We talked about our ups and downs over the past 10 yrs, the crappy relationships and what we learnt from them. It was amazing and just what I needed.

When I heard her say she had been feeling the same way about not having friends here after moving from England, I just thought, “God could it be possible that you brought us back together at this particular time in our lives?” It was like it took all these years to make us realise what a true friendship we actually had and it was possible to make it right again.

Before leaving to meet with Marcia I got a sense of confirmation that everything was going to be okay. We called each other Twin in high school and I found a letter from her in my diary which ended with P.S Only death can separate Twinz. It was a chilling feeling but what it said was it didn’t matter what we went through or where we had been….nothing could separate us.
It was so strange bing with Marcia coz I kept wanting to call her Jackie. I haven’t wanted to call anyone that ever before. But instead of feeling bad about it I actually felt good because I knew the friendship I had in Jackie and it was probably my internal being that sensed the familiarity in the two friendships. This comforted me because I knew that everything was going to be okay our past was in our past and we were both so grateful that we could actually enjoy each others friendship now.

Okay so to cut this long blog short my point is that friendships are God ordained. People are brought into our lives for a reason and I want people to reflect on where their friendships went wrong and how you can make it right. This blog was the toned down version of where we went wrong. If it was you that messed it up humble yourself and ask for forgiveness. If you are the unforgiving person ask God to help you to forgive because life is way to short for you to carry an unforgiving heart. Friendships are blessings so do not hold yourself back on Gods Blessings.