Lets Talk About Love

As it is/was the Month of Love I thought I would write a blog on Love. If you are in a relationship and you are not quite sure if it is Love, if you are not in a relationship but are thinking about it and the concept of Love…well this blog might just be for you.

I used to think that Love just grows…So if you spend enough time with that person, if you adjust myself to that person….then you will start to love that person. I do still think Love grows but that is only one component of Love. There is so much more to Love than just a four letter word.

Before I proceed with my love points I want to really emphasise something which is so crucial in the journey of unconditional Love…..and that is God is Love! Eish….some of you might be thinking “Kanya do you really have to go into the religious aspects of it!!!!” My answer is YES and why I am so adamant about this is because I never found unconditional love until I found GOD! Yes you could have different aspects/personal idealistic sides of Love. But true genuine Love comes from God! And if it didn’t come from God then where did it come from…the Devil??? I highly doubt that.

The devil is very creative in developing perceptions of Love….just to push you soo far of the track. So be very, very careful! The devils attempt to imitate Love is yet another four letter word that begins with L…(how original!) and that is LUST! SHO! Lust can come from all angles and it can only lead to destruction…. Pornography, lustful thoughts, adultery…even romantic books ladies… are all forms of Lust (even I was shocked). All these will lead you to a complete disillusion of Love! So once you have got the Love not Lust question out of the way…you can proceed to the following questions and points:

1. Am I myself around him/her?

If you are not acting yourself around him/her…you got a problem! You should not have to be someone else, be it look or character. If you are generally a funny person and find yourself so serious around him/her….Nope that aint Love. Love is being comfortable in your own skin, with your own flaws and allowing that same comfort in your partner.

2. Does he/she make me feel good about myself?

If you find yourself never feeling good enough for him/her….you got a problem. But first check if this is not your own problem because some people tend to bring such degrading feelings on themselves….Sort it out!

3. Does he/she bring out the Good in me and I in him?

No body wants that someone to bring out the Bad in them. This is one of the reasons why God is so important in the relationship. He helps us to forgive, He moves us towards a greater purpose together and He is truly the person who brings out the good in you and helps you to bring out the good in the other person. With out God …achieving this point can be very difficult.

4. Do we understand each others Love Language?
If you don’t know what a love language is please refer to my previous blog. If you cannot understand what that persons love language is or if you choose not to understand it then how can you love that person. Love isn’t just there for show….. it is fully present and that is why this is a language. You can express it through sign language or spoken language. Think of it this way. You cant speak Chineese to a ZULU and expect the Zulu to understand!!! BRRRR…. So don’t expect that in Love either….Learn each others love language. Take that time….and it will make a world of a difference.

5. Are our arguments Destructive or Constructive?

Destructive arguments usually come from past hurts..they can even be abusive types. If you are really serious about making this relationship work try moving towards Constructive arguments…you can’t keep bringing each other down! Get to the source of it… if it is unforgiveness you better try to forgive..if you want it to work. If it is past hurts from pervious experiences….Don’t target them to your partner…acknowledge that it isn’t them but you that needs help.

6. Do we understand each others expectations?

When Avon and I were doing our marriage counselling we had to write down what we expect from the other person. Understanding this makes the world of a difference. What are your expectations on household chores, kids, inlaws, privacy, love making ect. You name it we all have a certain level of expectations…. And when our partner falls short of these expectations it kinda hurts. But being aware of each others expectations helps avoid the miscommunication issues. So if Avon expects me to kiss him when he gets through the door I know I should…

7. Be honest with your Emotions!

I know most people try bottle emotions up, but we shouldn’t. You need to share the situation with your partner in a good and constructive way. Our thoughts can take us so far beyond what is taking place at that moment… it can be scary! Stop the thoughts dead in their tracks and confess them. It is okay to feel jealous we are only human… but how you express that emotion is crucial! What women tend to do is beat around the bushes and come up with our own crazy conclusion or maybe we nag the guy till we get what we want to hear! Or if he didn’t say something automatically means he is hiding something. …US WOMEN!!

Something we have learnt in expressing our emotions is beginning our discussion with “It makes me feel…… when this and that happens.” So for example saying it makes me feel unappreciated when you come home late!” …..the completely wrong way of saying it is “You always come home late and I can’t stand it!” Where is the construction in that. I know, I know…the later is what you really want to say…but you shouldn’t coz it doesn’t help you or the other person. But when you try saying it with your emotions it really helps you understand why you feel the way you do.

Okay I think that is all I have for now on my random points on love. There is so much more to talk about when it comes to love but you will have to call me to get it lol.

The Triple A Concept to CHANGE

Why is it that an unexpected change never really feels positive at first? Well that’s how I felt when I had to move from my own private office to the Hostel. The people here call it the hostel because there are so many people working in one space. So you can imagine the emotions I felt when I got the call that I might have to move. Yup I felt like I was being demoted, unappreciated and uncool. But this whole experience lead me to discover the Triple A concept which is Accept (believe that it is for the better) Adapt (make the situation work for you) and Apply (ignite a positive change in yourself and others by applying goodness).

The first step to this adjustment was accepting it. In my case I really thought about why I was emotional about the move. Was I being punished? No! Were they rude about it? No they were very polite about it. Was I the only one getting moved? No, 5 others were getting moved. Suddenly the situation didn’t feel like a shot at me but an external shot at the company. I thought – what if God had planned this move? Suddenly I had a totally different perspective and thought…. Well if so then I better accept it.

Then there was the adaptation part. The key to it is making the situation work for you. For example they were moving me to a spot which faced the door which probably was the worst spot in the office. Plus I have a terrible attention span and the fact that I was by the door would mean noooo work was going to be done because I would watch every person walk by or comment on everything. So to overcome this I put a huge shelve in front of my desk – and problem solved. Unless you are Floris who is almost 6 feet tall I don’t see anyone walking into the office. Then there was the issue of watching other people in my peripheral view – how they eat, read, work and maybe sleep. So I placed both my laptop and my desktop computer up on my desk which created a “wall”. My desk looks hectic man. It is as if I have a dual monitor thang and I don’t see anyone unless I want to. I am so hidden that sometimes people walk in the office and don’t even notice I am here. It might look pretty ridiculous and obvious that I am hiding but that was the point and it worked for me. I have managed to create my ideal working environment regardless of my surroundings.

To apply, in my case, is to allow the change to change you and others for the Good. It is important to note “for the good” because “for the bad” can take place and cause destruction. I believe this section has a lot to do with accepting peoples characters and appreciating their role in your life. It has been about 3 months since I have moved and I have gotten to know other SEF staff a lot better and actually feel positive about it. Betty and Ronaldo are always keeping us up to date with the transportation routes from Johannesburg to Pretoria and give us weather reports. Sometimes Ronaldo even calls us to warn us of traffic on the road (he has a Super GPS). Vanessa and Carene are planning weddings for next year and it is always exciting to share wedding tips or marriage tips with them. Then there is Eben and Quinton who are only in the office on Mondays and Fridays; however, when they are here they always having heated environmental discussions in Afrikaans which sometimes is very entertaining. Some of us have even started a small prayer group. The rest pretty much keep to themselves but are still cool to have around. I didn’t know it at the time but the move was probably exactly what I needed. I got more motivated to go to work and actually enjoy the company around me. I also got more involved with what was actually happening at work and have started to learn more about environmental consulting.

So sometimes change is good. Change happens all the time but it is really about how you deal with it that matters. You can sulk and be bitter about the situation and affect the people around you negatively. Or you can take it as a stepping stone to something greater and better and positively influence the people you interact with. Applying really is your choice at the end of the day.

Anyways that is the Kanyadoit change strategy on the triple A concept: Accept, Adapt, Apply. lol I really made it up as I wrote this blog. It worked for me. Hope it works for you. :) lol

Are you a Winna?

At the intersection of William Nicole and Lone hill (by checkers) an energetic young man sells homeless magazines to the passer bys. He is very hard to miss because every time he approaches a car he shoots you down with a beaming smile from ear to ear. Yes he is homeless, yes he is trying to get by just like you and me. But when you see him I am sure you will ask yourself the same question that I asked “Why is he so happy?”

The first time I noticed the man I was on my way home from a long day at the office. The traffic was backed up right into Lone hill Residential area and all I wanted to do was get through this traffic light. I wasn’t interested in no hawker harassment, no newspaper nothing. I usually avoid any conversation at any intersection. I just turn away but when I saw this guy I was intrigued. I saw him wave genuinely to the car in front of me. He stopped and smiled had a brief chat and walked away. I didn’t get to talk to him but I promised that I would do something different next time.

So the next day I took the very same route and this time I had just enough time to get a word in to the man. He waved as usual and I slowly rolled down my window as I approached him. “Hello my friend!” he said with spunk and a slight bounce to his walk.
“Hello, how are you?” I tried to say with just as much energy.
“ aaaa I am good, I am good!”
“What’s your name?” I asked
“Winna” he said confidently
“Winna…like a Winner? Wow. So what are you selling?” I curiously asked.
“Aaa Mem it is the Homeless newspaper, you can buy if you want”
“Sorry I don’t have money today, but I will buy it tomorrow!”
He smiled…”no problem!” and he gave it to me! I awkwardly drove off as if I had just stolen from a homeless guy.

But the encounter interested me so much. I wondered if he was really homeless. Where did he go at the end of the day? And why is it that he is so happy?.. I mean he seems to where the same cloths every day.

From then on our relationship built up and every time I approached that intersection I would look out for him. Just to say hi see how things are going. Our encounters grew from an awkward conversation through a window to a full handshake and honest talk. People in cars around me would look at us strangely and somewhat curious. He would tell me if the drivers are being rude today or not. I would tell him if the day was good or not. Sometimes I would give him whatever I could but other times we would just talk. No expectations just two strangers whose paths just happened to cross.

After about two months of travelling that same route I had to start taking a different route. This other route was a bit quicker and less congested but the only fall back was I missed my daily 30seconds -1 minute conversation with Winna. After a month of not seeing him I wondered if he even noticed.

Then I accidentally took the Winna route. I approached the intersection and to my surprise Winna came running to the car with a big smile. “Where have you been my friend? Yo yo yo yo…eish I thought you were dead!”

I was shocked this guy was genuinely concerned about me. For that moment I felt like wow I meant something to him and I didn’t even give him anything really…just my time and attention. I actually felt bad that my absence lead him to believe his worst scenario. What this whole encounter really made me think was – am I a Winna? When the circumstances of life hit the fan – do I still smile at a stranger? Yes okay maybe this was Winna’s job but at the end of the day who is really better off? Is it the guy that leaves his job to no home but still has a smile on his face or the man who comes to a home bitter and angry about life. Winna stirred something inside of me that only he could do. When the troubles of life come is my spirit in check? Depression, stress and relationships all have their ups and downs; but God is constant and His Love is more that enough to get you through this life. Be a Winna!

Overcoming the Insecurities of life

You know those moments when you can stand and look at yourself in the mirror looking so good covered in make-up dressed good….and yet you do not feel beautiful! Maybe it’s just me…but when these moments used to come along it never occurred to me that it was an inner struggle. You can put on more make up buy new cloths but everything is short lived forms of happiness. Basically it is look to the outside world to fill a very important void. Funny enough when this moment of insecurity and ugliness which comes to haunt me happens to be the time when my relationship with God is at its low.

See in my opinion real beauty has nothing to do with your hair or the cloths you wear. Real beauty is a reflection of Love and real love can only come from God because he created it. When you trust in God you are more than beautiful because you are not trying to prove yourself to him and you are standing on solid ground. See when we turn to the things of this world and to people for our security…. we struggle to find it . Let me give you a typical example. If we look to our relationships to feel beautiful – we fail, when we look to new cloths to feel beautiful – we succeed for a brief moment. Its all temporary - relationships go up and down, cloths get old, hairstyles pass…but God is consistent. Even in a marriage you can feel insecure that’s why they say marriage is a 3 way thing you, your husband/wife and God. We are all human…we all make mistakes. But if we keep our eyes on God you can feel safe in knowing that his plan is for the GOOD.

This isn’t a blog to tell you to Find God so that you can be beautiful and that your relationships will go well! No this is to tell you that in Gods eyes you are radiantly beautiful, you are more than enough to Him, that there is no scar or sin that he cannot overcome. …That if God is in your relationship He will lead you to happiness. The moment I decided to seriously put God first in my relationship was the moment I found my husband. Was the relationship easy ….No! But every trial brought us closer to God and closer to each other.

So if you struggle with insecurities about yourself and your relationship. Take a moment to pray for freedom from it …to pray that God shows you His Light. Life is way to short for you to live feeling not good enough ….for yourself or the person you are with.

29th Birthday with Family

My birthday weekend had me really thinking, what is family, who is family and can we actually put boundaries and define family. I think this old age has me really looking at my life, the lives around me and the lives to come.

Seeing everyone seated around the table at my birthday breakfast bash made me think wow it’s amazing the new lives that have now become family and the family that has always been family. Regan was Avons best friend as one point but here he was now our brother inlaw. And here was Yash who might as well be family too since he has been Avon and Reagans friends since high school. Being with mom and dad on my birthday was extra special since we hadn’t spent it together in over 12 years.

At Chang and Bianca’s wedding, I got the sense of community and love present in a not so typically structured family. I say not so typically structured because typically would be – each child being brought up by their biological parents. But this was not the case for both Bianca and Chang as they had been brought up with fathers that were not their biological fathers. And although most of us would think …”gosh it must have been hard not being brought up by your real dad.” And I am sure they probably dealt with their own internal searches and battles of who their biological father was. But what we really should be thinking about is how God actually gave them a real father to look after them. After hearing both uncle Howards (Avon’s dad) and Chris (Biancas.. step dad) speaks I got a strong sense that these were the Dads that were destined to raise these children up. Both of the fathers were good examples to them both and you could just see and hear that they loved their adopted child as if it were their own.

But my thoughts didn’t end there… I was also moved when I went over to chill with my brother and sister inlaws..Micheal, Erica, Amanda and Lucile. These young adults are 4 of 5 children who Auntie Ethel took into her home, when their parents abandoned them. At this moment I, for the first time, sensed a strong bond amongst the siblings. Similar to the bond I felt when I was with my siblings. Maybe I hadn’t sensed it before because I hadn’t observed them much when they were all together. But I realised then that if it wasn’t for Auntie Ethel and Uncle Howard (my mother in law) opening their home to them.. this bond of love wouldn’t be present. It hurt me to think of where in the world they would have been. But I was so comforted when I saw how happy they are now.

Afterwards I went over to chill with Dad maybe he had answers to my curious wonder of family. Without even saying a word to him he turned to me and just said “Kanya you are the head of the herd now.” He put his hand over my shoulder. “This is your family now and you need to lead them, be there for them care for them, be an example to the children that come after you.” There was a long pause of silence and I let the words sink in. I thought of my new family, my inlaws that I will one day be looking after, my new siblings that would one day follow in Avon and my footsteps. Gosh the thought of where life puts us just fascinated me. Who knows what is to come, where we would be headed who we would be families too. We don’t really have a choice of who our family would be….God places certain people in our lives …be it biological or not. I wondered if I would even manage with the family that would come our way. Then my dad said “and He will be there for you!” And I just took the words all in my mind I repeated those words “and He will be there for you!” And thought “Lord may I not forget these words.”

Encounters with a Stranger

Meeting a stranger can always be interesting, and life changing if you take the time to listen. I truly believe that people come into our lives for a God given reason. You may not think of it at the time but each stranger we meet is like a puzzle piece to Gods master piece, but only time will allow you to realise it. The following blog is about how I took the time to listen to a stranger and where it took us both.

The day I met Fransisca wasn’t exactly the best day of my life. I was two weeks into my new job, I was adjusting to the traffic from Jozi to Pretoria, and on this Saturday I had to go into the office. After dropping my husband off at North-gate and asking my dad for some petrol money, I had to wait for my sister to come meet me there. It was a hot day, I was broke and depressed about working on a Saturday.

Then this young lady started to approach me and I wasn’t exactly in the mood to chat. But something came over me like the Holy Spirit whispering “Kanya all I ask is that you listen to her.” ....grrrrrr. So I asked God to help me listen because from what I could see…she looked rough around the edges, lots of make-up, short twist, denim jacket. She greeted me and began to tell me about her life, where she came from, who she was living with, how she was looking for a job, how it wasn’t easy. Something a lot of us have all heard before…but there was something different in this conversation. I began to talk about how I knew how hard it was to look for a job….But if I was struggling and had a Masters degree, how much more harder was it be for a girl with only O’levels. I told her I was only looking for someone to work for me for one day and she could come for an interview. By this time I had already interviewed 3 ladies, none of which were right for the job.

When I got into the car that day I briefly stepped into Gods world, I suddenly got flashes of her life, I got scared thinking how close prostitution could be..drugs. I got reminded about my prayer for a job, my frustrations with life and I began to realise how they were all nothing compared to hers. It was like at that moment I was touched by the compassion of God….. It was as if God was showing me how his puzzle of life worked and that this was just one puzzle piece. My blessing of having a job wasn’t for ME, MY LIFE MY NEEDS, MY DEBTS, MY DREAMS. No not at all. It was all for Gods Kingdom, Gods people. It was like God was giving me a glimpse at His BIGGER PICTURE but this was only one puzzle piece put in my heart by a stranger.

It is over 7 months later and Fransisca is like my daughter or my sister. We talk to each other about everything…from getting married, to contraceptives to loving your husband. She grew from working once a week with me to a full week of working for my friends and family. I realised later that she was a Christian and had been praying for a job just like me. We have both opened up our hearts to each other and have experienced so much more than we have ever imagined if we hadn’t met. We both know that it wasn’t in our own doings that got us to where we are today but Gods doing. There is so much more too her and I tell her that! Cleaning houses is only a stepping stone to what God has in store for her. But only time will tell and more puzzle pieces will be added to the puzzle of life.

Kanya’s Top 10: You know you live in Craigavon when?

I know some of you will relate to these top 10: You know you live in Craigavon when? But only if you live in the Craigavon Suburb. For those of you who don't live here this will give you and idea of some of the funny situations we go through. With all the little problems..we can only find humour in it all. Enjoy

1. You have large bottles of water stored for the “just in case the water doesn’t come on days.” And you do dishes every night because you get haunted by the time when you didn’t have water for 3 whole days and your dishes began to grow things.
2. Phone signal can only be picked up in certain areas of your apartment.
3. You believe you are the unknown neighbours security guard because you back door looks over their large house. And you are still trying to figure out what exactly they do to live in such a house because they never leave.
4. You get concerned when there is a different beggar at your regular intersection.
5. Purchasing sunglasses and phone chargers on Witkoppen or William nicol is a quite a bargain.
6. You grocery shop on Thursday and Friday nights because you know on Saturday Morning between 10am and 2pm…cedar avenue is way to stressful for your weekend. But you can deal with it during the week.
7. You have a gym membership but only use it to go shower when the water stops flowing.
8. You get disappointed when the billboard has changed from a pretty lady advertising a drink, to a pink Vanish advertisement selling stain remover. Its like contamination of your visual space….could the bottle get any pinker.
9. You can’t wait for the rainy season because paying R60 a week for a car wash is starting to affect your budget.
10. You wouldn’t be caught dead walking to Fourways mall which is less than 2km away but you will run around your block 4 times to get your exercise.
    
    And here is the bonus one:
11. 11. You have a “lights out radar” when you drive home. If you are driving on your way home for dinner and the lights are out at Cedar Square you can guarantee you don’t have electricity. You are able to instantly strategise where to find your next meal.

Best Friends Never Fade

Yesterday was a really special day because I was having lunch with my best friend from high school. It has been 10 years sense we had seen each other yet speaking to her on the phone sounded like it was just yesterday. The sense of familiarity in her voice reminded me of the feelings I share with my sisters. But before I take you through the motions of yesterday let me give you a brief history about our friendship.

Marcia and I met at Watershed boarding school in 1995 (I think that was form 1). I remember seeing her for the first time as she moved into the cubical next door to me. I think she was with her cousin and was talking away but I didn’t know it was her cousin and just though how can they be friends so quick. I was so nervous that first day of boarding school, I got shivers knowing very well that this was where I was going to spend the next 4 months away from home (Swaziland) and I was 14yrs old. I was even more scared about making friends.

But meeting Marcia was like an instantaneous friendship as we saw so many similarities in each other. For starts she was also far away from home – Zambia; we were the only two coloured girls in our form… well there was another girl Claudia but she was more whiter looking than coloured, oh and there was Cheryl but she was too mature for us so that didn’t count. So let me rephrase this, in form 1 Marcia and I were the only two, crazy loud mouth coloureds, with uncontrollable hair and a complete disinterest in boys.

Our wing prefect Alziera took a liking in us both probably because we were so crazy and fun and yet so far away from home. Getting favoured by the dorm prefect is like your ticket to surviving first year boarding school. We would get to sneak into her room and sit up and have tea with condense milk. Sometimes she would even let us sleep on her floor. Alziera to us was like an older sister. She shared stories about her boyfriends she was always so joyful and positive. Something both Marcia and I learned quickly from.

Form one was tough days for most of us. Some nights we would hear girls crying in their beds during lights out and these were the weekly boarders….. Yet Marcia and I wouldn’t see our moms for 4 months and these girls were crying. One night when someone was crying, one of the tough girls in our form probably, Tariro Gurupira because she wouldn’t take crap from nobody, shouted during lights-out, “COME ON SUCK IT UP, how do you think Kanya and Marcia feel when you are crying and you get to see your mom every weekend.” Marcia and I probably giggled in our beds.

Both Marcia and I were convinced the hostel was haunted by one legged Sam. He was a ghost that jumped off the train that passed by our school at early hours in the morning. Apparently some people have heard him walking down the corridors sounds like a nock then a slide, a nock then a slide. The nock was the sound of his wooden leg. I used to freak myself out just thinking about that sound…and probably convinced myself that I actually heard it. Some nights it was so bad that Marcia and I would have to sleep in the same bed. I still don’t’ know how we fitted in those single size metal beds with thin foam mattresses, but we did.

Although we were so young at this stage I really believe we learnt so much from each other because we were growing and it was a transformation phase. My friendship with Marcia helped me survive my Ugly duckling phase. Yup that’s what I called it….because of stress my exzema was bad and made me have patch skin which gave me the name PatchWork, I had a terrible afro which gave me the name FizzPop and I was terrified of boys…there was no name for that. Yet Marcia looked passed all that I was her friend and that’s what mattered. Marcia, Tanatsa and I were the TLC girls of the hostel, we gave each other names T-boz, Chilly and (gosh what was the other girls name. Marcia gave me confidence that I would be protected by the senior boys (Dennis and Mark) that would make fun of me when I walked passed. To this day I still have the letter in my diary from Marcia telling me that God will protect me from the boys and that everything would be okay.

But like any friendship we go through phases and Marcia and I started really growing up. The similarities we saw in each other and valued almost became the downfall of our friendships. Soon we were named ladies of the Spice girls, I was Posh spice and she was Scary spice. People compared us which in turn made us compare ourselves to each other…Scary spice was definitely more prettier than Posh spice…L. Soon our boobs started growing and we actually started caring what the boys would think. Because we were so similar the same types of guys would like us and we would like the same types of guys. As I read through my diaries I write as if it is Marcia that changed but really it was me. Everything felt like a competition in some strange way. But instead of us building each other up I think we thought it would be best to keep our friendship at just friends and not best friends probably both thinking that it would be healthier for us both. I think we would probably have been a lot happier if we kept our best friendship because in loosing that I think we destroyed each other. This was something I felt so ashamed of.

By the time boarding school was over, I had never felt so lost in my life, yet I was now forced to move onto the next phase of life, University. Arriving in Canada was probably just as scary as arriving to my first day at boarding school. Although I was older, 19yrs old, I was 100 times infact a zillion times further away from home. This time I had no idea when I would see my family again. I had the same friendship fears as form one but this time I thought who would want to be friends with me because I was so unless at keeping my high school friendships, jealous and self centred.

Then I met Jackie Lee, in health class 101, a half Korean half Canadian talkative chick who after class invited herself over for lunch at my dorm. I remember thinking gosh she talks so much and yet she thought I talked too much and could hardly understand my accent. In my diaries I wrote about how I could never be friends with her because she was too good looking and I may not be able to handle my own jealousy levels.

But Gods plan was different and we were able to build a friendship that would last throughout university. From abusive relationships to successful ones we learnt how to support each other. The successes and failures in our lives built us into where we are today. From being broke to being rich…it didn’t matter coz our friendship was constant. Here again in a completely different continent I found similarities about myself in someone else. We were both half breeds, both liked to dance, both Loved God, both adventurous, both deep and meaningful. Yet we were so different too, Jackie was a bit more aggressive in perusing her dreams, I was more slow and steady, she loved the fast life of the city and the nice cars and clothes, it didn’t matter as much to me; Jackie could network with the rich and famous with ease but I would pretend like I was the rich and famous; Jackie liked facts to believe and I believed more based on feelings.
When I left Canada to come to South Africa, for Good, it was like first year boarding school, first year University all over again. This time my fears were that I had no friends here and I would have to start afresh…at the age of 27yrs but this time I had a husband and I was closer to home. I have managed to make friends here and their but I have had a deep longing for that strong friendship. I look at my husband who has managed to keep all his high school friends and I almost get a sense of disappointment that I have made so many friends, but here I am at 28yrs and where are my close friends that I have made over the years of my life.
















Then two weeks ago I get a message for Marcia saying she can’t believe we haven’t met up yet. She lives right close to where I work. I got a sense of excitement and also fear at the thought of meeting her again. Maybe it was the fears of our lousy high school endings. I have been reading through all my diaries lately just reflecting on life and capturing all the places where I talk about Avon. It has made me think about Marcia more than usual. Probably because when you read back on things, when you are more mature, you have a greater sense of the bigger picture. I realised where I went wrong in our friendship and had a strange feeling of curiosity on whether we could make it right again.
So my day yesterday at work was really hectic and I just had a feeling like this was not what I needed just before I was going to meet Marcia. I was already anxious as it was. But meeting her was like a breath of fresh air. It brought a tear to my eye. We had so much to catch up on and so many things to express. As we sat and chatted away it was like we never “separated.” Here we were 10 years later both married and both living in Gauteng. We talked about our ups and downs over the past 10 yrs, the crappy relationships and what we learnt from them. It was amazing and just what I needed.

When I heard her say she had been feeling the same way about not having friends here after moving from England, I just thought, “God could it be possible that you brought us back together at this particular time in our lives?” It was like it took all these years to make us realise what a true friendship we actually had and it was possible to make it right again.

Before leaving to meet with Marcia I got a sense of confirmation that everything was going to be okay. We called each other Twin in high school and I found a letter from her in my diary which ended with P.S Only death can separate Twinz. It was a chilling feeling but what it said was it didn’t matter what we went through or where we had been….nothing could separate us.
It was so strange bing with Marcia coz I kept wanting to call her Jackie. I haven’t wanted to call anyone that ever before. But instead of feeling bad about it I actually felt good because I knew the friendship I had in Jackie and it was probably my internal being that sensed the familiarity in the two friendships. This comforted me because I knew that everything was going to be okay our past was in our past and we were both so grateful that we could actually enjoy each others friendship now.

Okay so to cut this long blog short my point is that friendships are God ordained. People are brought into our lives for a reason and I want people to reflect on where their friendships went wrong and how you can make it right. This blog was the toned down version of where we went wrong. If it was you that messed it up humble yourself and ask for forgiveness. If you are the unforgiving person ask God to help you to forgive because life is way to short for you to carry an unforgiving heart. Friendships are blessings so do not hold yourself back on Gods Blessings.