Early Days of Motherhood

The early days of motherhood were a real adjustment for me physically and emotionally. I had to physically get used to the way my body looked and felt and at the same time I had emotions that were partly to do with the hormones and also to do with the big change of being responsible for a precious life. But I probably wouldn’t have survived these days if it wasn’t for the support I got from my Mother, my Mother-in-law and my super supportive sister.

The whole concept of no longer being pregnant made me feel as if something was missing on my body. I thought that this must be what if feels like when someone has their leg amputated….well maybe not that extreme coz you would have had your leg with you ever since you were born and being pregnant is only 9months. But just that whole aspect of having something removed from you, which you begin to realise wasn’t you…but a life….a child. Although I loved Kayla, I strangely missed having SIAM inside me. This lonely feeling was something that my friend Erica Marks warned me about when I first told her I could feel Siam moving inside of me. At the time I didn’t really have that deep bond with SIAM yet so didn’t really think I would miss it much. But Erica was right I did miss it. My tummy was no longer large and solid with Siam’s unexpected movements. It was now a bulge of soft skin that moved like jelly when you pinched it…or even walked and any movement I felt was for sure a bowel movement. While standing naked in the mirror I no longer had that graceful moment of caressing my pregnant tummy but rather an awkward rub to sooth the uterus while it was cramping back into place. I would wonder if I would ever look like I did before the pregnancy. … or would I be one of those ladies that shows people photos of how I used to look in my younger days…just so people would know I didn’t always have this tub of jelly on me.

Although my tummy had somewhat shrunk, my boobs unexpectedly exploded into Dolly Parton type boobs. The kind of boobs that looked fake and don’t move or change shape when I laid down. You would have thought I would be proud of my new boob job but I wasn’t at all. What had happened was 2 days before delivery I drank a home made milk-stimulating formula called Jungle berry juice. I drank it …more like – chugged it….because I wanted to make sure that when I delivered, my newborn wouldn’t be starved of milk. I probably should have waited till after I had delivered because my breasts were in overload milk production. I had never felt such discomfort in my breasts before. They were so huge that I couldn’t even sleep at night without a bra on to hold them down. I began using any home remedy to cool off the situation – from cabbage leaves, to warm and cool towels, to showers. My mom suggested I expressed some of the milk but I couldn’t even touch them myself. What worked best was just using gravity to drain out the pressure. Yup I would just hang over the bathtub and just let it flow, like a lactating cow. I experienced the most pain when I hugged people, especially people who were already gifted in the breast department. I would see them coming in for a congratulations hug and it would trigger a moment of “ABORT, ABORT HUG……” and my chest would retreat back while my arms would proceed forward for a light hugging embrace

At 5am on Day 4 my cry hormones officially kicked in. I had found myself wide awake sitting at the kitchen counter not quite sure of what I was going to do with myself. So I ended up just reflecting back on my labour and the events of the past couple of days. I really felt like the pregnancy, the labour and the unbelievable support we got were all miracles which I felt I didn’t deserve. Once again I had reached a point where I couldn’t thank God enough for everything He had blessed me/us with. So I prayed an emotional “Thank you Lord, prayer!” and as the thankfulness began to flow I was drawn to each and every person that had been supporting us during that time. That was when I decided to write thank-you cards, which just made me even more emotional.

I had been warned about the hormones that come to visit you on Day 3 or 4 after labour. Since I can generally be an emotional person I was super scared that this time might be the official tantrum or Ninja moment (fight instinct). What made me even more fearful was the fact that my mother-in-law was going to be staying with us during that time. Even though I get along quite well with my mother-in-law, while I was pregnant I had visions of me blowing a fuse at her for no reason on those pre-warned Day 3 or 4. My visions were so bad that I thought just to be safe I better ask my mom to stay with us till my hormones had cooled down. But when my mother-in-law told me she would like to stay with us till the baby’s cord fell off, I was left speech-less coz I knew it wouldn’t fall before Day3 or Day 4. At that particular moment I could hear a flight attendants voice saying “For your own safety please remain at home, till Kanya’s hormones have come to a complete stop!” This sounded a bit syko, so to save myself the embarrassment and to avoid the rejection of such a wonderful offer I agreed to her suggestions. So my mother-in-law stayed with us for the first week and then my mother came for the second week.

It was a huge blessing having both my mother-in-law and Mother by my side during those first 2 weeks with Kayla. They were all super supportive and helpful with everything from cleaning to massaging, to ironing and mopping. I don’t know what I would have done with out them….my house would have probably have been in a mess and Avon and I probably would have starved lol. I learnt so much about each of these motherly figures and Kayla also benefited from just their presence. They also gave me space to be a mother and learn for myself, which I greatly appreciated. If it wasn’t for them I probably would have ended up gong Ninja on Avon on that scary day 3 or Day 4. So thanks Moms!