Travelling Medicine

When preparing to fly with Kayla I thought for sure there should be some medicine that could help with the cabin pressure or to ease the stress of flying. I was quite nervous because we would be flying 8hours to Abu Dhabi then another 4 hours to Manchester….then we would reroute back to Johannesburg through Greece. That was a heck of a lot of flying.  Anyways while in Dischem (pharmacy) I decided to ask an African Male chemist who offered some assistance.

He didn’t know of anything specific but he did recommend Entressdruppels which is a German herbal medicine which I had heard of before. About a month after Kayla was born we went to visit Avon’s Auntie in Aldo’s. She was adamant that I should apply the stuff on Kayla’s scalp whenever I go outdoors. She did a whole demonstration on Kayla for me and even gave me some to take home. While driving home the potent smell of the Entressdruppels filled the car …it smelt of tar and vowed that I would never use it. You must know that by this time I had had a lot of tips and recommendations on what to do with Kayla so this was just one of the ones I wasn't going to use. The second time I heard of it was when I was on my way to the shops in Nhlangano, Swaziland (rural part of Swaziland) and Avon’s Grandmother told me I should put it on Kayla because I was going to be around Swazi’s. I was so offended by it because I thought she was being racist, but then Avon’s mom did some further explaining. Apparently Swazi’s are known for carrying herbal medicine on them especially in the rural areas. Some of the medicine is for healing and some is for Mootie to gain wealth, punish your husbands mistress  or whatever witchcraft might be needed for.  I am aware of this because I grew up in Swaziland and know most Swazi’s are deep into medicinal herbs and culture. However some of these “mooties” are very strong and dangerous for babies…apparently so bad that if a child inhales the mooty the baby could die..or it could just enter the baby through the soft scalp. Avon’s mom shared several stories of babies that had been affected by it..some died one had to go get the Sangoma (traditional healer) to reverse it. The stories gave me the jibbers and made me think...was this all true? Were those cases of child death something else rather than mootie??? Part of me didn’t want to believe a word of it but another part of me didn’t want to take the risk either. Needless to say that particular day I didn’t take Kayla into the rural Swazi shopping centre.

So you can imagine how baffled I was when the chemist recommended this remedy.
Kanya: “you are joking with me right?”
Chemist: “No seriously every time I take my child on the bus I use it. And my son is 14months old! It helps with the motion sickness.”
Kanya: “My husbands family mentioned this stuff but I assumed it was just a coloured old school remedy that didn’t work.”
Chemist: “It works!”
Kanya: “But what about all those stories about babies inhaling mootie ect. Isn’t that why it is used?”
Chemist: “Well the remedy does have a history to it. But I am recommending it as a calming motion sickness remedy. Just take a drop and rubb it on the scalp of the baby, behind the ears, under the armpits and even between the legs.”

Kanya: “Well if you say it is a medicine rather than a mootie blocker …then yes I will use it. I don’t want to start getting all superstitious about things.”

So I left the shop with the small bottle of Entressdruppels. I used the Entressdrupples as recommended and Kayla was as calm and as normal as ever during every flight. I can’t say it was the medicine entirely. But I wasn’t going to fly with out it! Maybe I am a bit superstitious lol.

Letters to Kayla: You at 6 months old

Dear Kayla,

Gosh you are fast approaching your 6month birthday and I can’t even begin to describe how much you have developed and transformed into such a gorgeous little person. 

Grampa Howard says you are so photogenic!



I thought I would miss out on so much having gone to work but every day you show me a new development as if you are doing it for the first time. You are now reaching for things, it all started with the simple reaching for a toy and now you are reaching for my glass when I am drinking, my banana when I am eating, the packet of spinach when I am packing food away. You get fascinated by the sound, taste, texture each item brings and your eyes just say “Mommy I have to touch that, I just gotta know what it THAT thing is?” Your curiosity brings such a joy to my heart.

Our family has finally got into a workable routine and you have just fitted in like you have been there all along. You love the routine but never fuss if we have to change something here or there. You are definitely a morning girl. Dad says during the week you can talk to yourself for a good 30mintues before you want any attention. I wonder what you are thinking – Are you telling Teddy-F1 about your dreams? Are you talking to God or the angels that surround you? You have such an anticipating personality – Your eyes are always open wide as if you don’t want to miss out on A THING! Daddy says you kick your legs and get excited when he drops you off at your wonderful day mom…which makes me happy because that is exactly what you do when I come to pick you up.

As much as I love holding you and being with you 247 I have also learnt to release you, although it wasn’t easy. I remember getting upset when a youth who wanted to hold you during one church service. All I could think about was I only get to be with you on weekends can’t I just hold my own child please!!!! I know that sounds so selfish of me and I felt quite guilty afterwards. Coz really Kayla you are not mine at all you are God’s child...and God reminded me about the blog I wrote on “SIAM the unknown Gift!” Kayla you are a gift, a God given gift to everyone who holds you and meets you, and I needed to be reminded of that. So I let people hold you more and see how their faces light up in your presence, I keep a close eye on you tho, just to monitor your tolerance levels because I know too many faces can be too much for your little character to take in. It can be even too much for mommy to handle too.

Family photo

You are probably wondering how Daddy and I are doing with all the changes (you, mommy working, daddy working, ect)? Well it has been an adjustment for us and we are also learning as we go along. But honestly if God wasn’t at the top of it all I think we would be really struggling to keep everything together. God’s Grace has given us that patience to support each other, to listen, to be sensitive to each others needs, to laugh, to face our fears, to open up with our frustrations, to forgive when we struggle to, ….God truly is amazing and I want you to always remember that.

Well my angel mom needs to get going. I love you inside out. Till next time keep smiling and shining your light

Mommy

Surround Yourself with Good People

Two weeks ago my work celebrated its 15yr birthday which kick started with a very inspirational motivational speaker from Highveld 702fm, Benita Levine – Two things that really sunk in from this talk were – surround yourself with good people and keep your passion burning. I will delve on the later in my upcoming “Secret shoot” blog. But today I wanna really chat about the importance of surrounding yourself with good people.

Every 6 weeks I get together with a bunch of ladies from my church. There are about 8 of us and we range in age, size, race, jobs, talents ect. However the main common denominator is that we all are aiming to put God on top of our lists …coz you know us women have many lists in our lives! We are each others supportive structures.

Today’s meeting was an early morning Saturday breakfast and as busy as our schedules all were we knew deep down that this get together was not about us but all about God. One mother leaves her 2 week old and 2 yr old alone at home with dad for the first time, another just needs a breather from her family’s hussel and bussel, a teacher slips away from all the marking she has taken home for the weekend, a stay at home mom anticipates the social aspect of the gathering, a working mom just needs to pause for a second, some ladies are ready to be refreshed and others are ready to refresh others.

I was moved when each lady shared there feedback on “what was going well in their life and what they were struggling with.” Each lady opened up like flower as they shared the “what was going well”…and as they slowly unfolded their struggles you could just resonate with the emotion. Yes you can imagine how the flood gates were let loose here in a little café in jozi. But it was humbling to hear that some of the struggles were very similar – being busy and burnt out, feeling guilty with not spending enough time with God, waiting for God’s confirmation in decision ect. As we shared our hearts we realised how God has come through and although the struggles seemed hectic and unbarring …which made you wanna cry, it was so encouraging witness God’s faithfulness in the various seasons.

When the breakfast was over and the waitress was tired of asking us if we needed anything else…we all went our separate ways refreshed and ready for the battle field of life.

The whole experience really encouraged me to push all my women readers that feel like they are alone and struggling or unsupported - to surround yourself with Good Women. Women that you can open your hearts to and share your joys and tribulations; women you can trust that will be praying for you when you are struggling to pray for yourself; women that will refresh you with God’s word and wisdom. We can’t go through life thinking we can manage everything alone…including our relationship with God. We need good supporting structures that will guide us with God’s light because life can get so hectic it may even feel hard to breath.
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If you feel like this blog or any of my blogs have spoken to you and you would really like specific prayer comment or send me a private email kanya.middleton@gmail.com.

Letters to Kayla: Mommy is going back to work

Dear Kayla

Today you are going to wake up in a strangers house with different smells and sounds, and you will probably wonder “where is Mommy?” You may want to cry because it is different and just doesn’t make sense that I am not there to smile down at you as you grace the world with your wakeful smile. But I hope this letter somehow reaches you before you wake up because I need to try and explain the reason for this situation and maybe it will help mommy stop crying.

I love you so much Kayla, I loved you even before I laid eyes on you, but love isn’t only about holding you 247 it is also about making smart decisions about your future. My decision to go back to work is only one of the many love decisions your dad and I will make. We realised that financially we would not be able to provide for you best if I didn’t go to work. We would like you to go to good schools and live with us in a house not in a flat 3 stories above ground. And for all this to be possible mommy has to work too. Trust me Kayla I have looked into many different options…from starting my own business to working half days….but because my job is far half days won’t work and we need to save money if we want our business to work.

On Monday I took you to see some crèches in the neighbourhood. They were all clean and very dynamic but I felt like you were still too young to be going to a crèche. The ratios were 1:5….which means one helper to 5 kids. I felt that you were to young for this…not even Auntie Nyemu was 1:5….at your age…she was 1:4 and that was with Mom. Dad and I prayed about our decision for about a week and God has blessed us with a Day Mom. She is a wonderful Christian and someone who we trust and have known for 2 years. She has a child of her own who is almost a year who you can be friends with. I really believe she will meet your needs better than any crèche around here. And well today is our trial day to see if it will work when mommy goes to work in 2 weeks time.

 So hang in there my Angle. Soon this bed and home that you wake up in will be familiar to you and you will be excited to spend time there. Daddy will drop you off and mommy will pick you up and the routine will be normal for you. I will look forward and cherish every moment I share with you and will continue to love you more and more each day.

Love always,

Mommy

>>>>>>> So I went to pick Kayla up from her day mom and Kayla didn't even look like she missed me.....I greated her while she was in the day moms hands and she just looked up at me contently.....maybe thats a good thing. I probably cried more than she did that day. GOSH I don't want to go back to work.

The Weight Factor After Pregnancy

I always wondered what it would be like to try loose your pregnancy fat. My first month after Kayla was born was fantastic, I couldn’t believe how much I was loosing and so quickly too. But this third month after Kayla’s delivery has been quite a stagnant one….weight wise. I have been stuck with 5kgs of extra weight that doesn’t seem to be going anywhere any time soon.


The original rapid weight loss was due to the breastfeeding. I was told that breastfeeding would help shed the pregnancy fat but I didn’t really believe it till it happened. After Kayla was born I was eating more than I had ever eaten during my pregnancy. I felt like a bottomless pit because I would eat and eat and still feel hungry. I was also eating things I never used to crave – from Chelsea bunns to crackers to chips. Anything what was wheat like and processed, I was bound to love. I must admit it was fun while it lasted but the weight shedding came to a stand still.

I figured I should start running to help encourage the weight loss but it all seems like such an effort. Every day it is the same story…. “ I promise I will go for a run first thing tomorrow morning!” But just like any morning with Kayla….I wake up totally finished and I am too hungry to even think of going for a run. Even though I know I haven’t lost weight over night….I still hop on the scale before I pour myself a big bowl of cereal with my cup of hot tea. As I hop off the scale I stand and look at my naked body and wonder where the extra 5kgs could be distributed. Then I comfort myself by saying “2kgs are in the boobs and the other 3kgs must be in my extremely huge afro. Coz you know your hair has grown quite a bit Kanya.”

Truthfully speaking the 5kgs is stuck between my shoulders and my hips. Nothing fits me anymore…those pants that used to be too big for me when I wasn’t pregnant….are now barely zipping closed. There have been a number of occasions where I have gotten stuck in old summer dresses and had to get Avon to pull them off of me. ….extremely embarrassing I tell you!!

Strangely enough my mind refuses to believe I am bigger than I was before. I went shopping for cloths once and almost everything I tried on was too small for me. I was actually embarrassed with myself when I saw my hips squished into a pair of shorts that were obviously not my size. When I went back to the racks to see the size up it just looked massive. The whole experience scared me and I have not been shopping since.

I don’t know what my problem is really coz it isn’t like I don’t like how I look and my husband actually prefers it. I guess I am just scared that when baby number two and three come I will have to add another 5 kgs for each child. That would mean I would be 15 kgs more than what I was before babies. That’s like the size of 3 Kaylas….Eek. I have this scary vision of me looking back at my wedding photos and my children saying “Mommy that doesn’t even look like you!” YIKES I better getta moving! Tomorrow I promise I will run .

Learning Kaylaneese

Being a good parent involves understanding exactly what your child is trying to tell you. It isn’t an easy job because we all express ourselves in different ways and most of the time the child isn’t quite sure why he/she is acting a certain way or saying the things they are saying. But we as parents need to be able to find a way to get to the heart of the matter and making decisions on how to best move forward…It is like learning how to understand a new language and as bad as I am with languages …I think I can finally understand Kaylaneese which is Kayla’s personal baby language.

In the beginning I didn’t communicate with Kayla at all, I would just feed, burp and sooth her. In my mind she was a baby and didn’t actually know what she wanted. We made sure we fed Kayla probably every 2 hours or when she seemed hungry.If she was awake she was awake and if she was asleep she was asleep. It was all haphazard and disorganised really.  I would reach points when she would cry and I wouldn’t know what to do…was she hungry, wet, tierd, moody?? I would hold her up and look at her just crying and it at times would make me just want to cry.

This Kaylaneese miscommunication phase was super tough for our family. For about a week Kayla would just gag and projectile spit my milk, then in the evenings she would just fuss and squirm from 6pm-11pm. I read up on everything it could possibly be from colic to reflux. Within a week Avon and I had finished a whole bottle of  the miracle medicine “Gripe Water”….it was the only thing that soothed Kayla. I then spent a whole lot of money on homeopathing digestive salts for babies. In my mind I was thinking there has got to be a remedy for whatever it was that caused Kayla to cry so much. This phase also put strain on our relationship. As soon as Avon would get home from work I would hand him Kayla and then start cooking. Then we would eat, but one at a time (me first then Avon) and if Kayla was still awake….and she usually was, we would take turns comforting her. Avon would do the fist shift (8pm-10/11pm) because I would be super exhausted and irritable. I really hated when I was like this, mostly because I felt like I wasn’t very loving towards Kayla or my husband. I hated that I loved my sleep more than I loved hearing about Avons day, I hated that by the time Friday would come I would just be excited that it was Avon’s Night time duty.

As tough as this phase was it happened to be an important learning cuve for us as a family. Soon Kaylaneese started to make some sense. At some points Kayla was telling us that she was over stimulated and tired which would cause here to struggle to sleep. Then she was trying to tell us that mommies milk was coming in too strong for her to swallow properly….so mommy tried feeding her lying down. I then discovered she liked being upright after a feed so would keep her in her sling. These were all things Kayla was trying to tell us but it took us longer to click.

Soon we were speaking Kaylaneese J which is a language that effectively communicates our parenting decisions that will help Kayla in the long run. We based our parenting ideas on what we learnt in the Preparenting course we did with the church. The course was based on a book called Preparation for parenting by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo. It is all about parent directive feeding (pdf) and establishing a routine for your child. We did the course when I was 6 months pregnant and most of the time I would fall asleep in the class because it was in the evenings…so a lot didn’t sink in. As I re-read the book we started implementing the tips. Here is a kanya summary:

1. Feeding every 2.5 to 3 hours
2. Only keeping the child awake for 45-1hour (including the feed)
3. Putting the child down to sleep – teaching them to self sooth.
4. Making sure mom eats the right foods and has a good milk supply.
5. learning when to drop the night time feed.
6. Learning about Gods love and how to look after your child

If you are a new mom and are struggling with adapting I strongly suggest you get this book. I can officially say our family is doing so much better after establishing a routine. I can now plan my day around when she needs to sleep and feed. I can now put Kayla down in her cot and know she is going to fall asleep within 10 minutes and not be restless. Kalya is still waking up at 3am for a feed but I know she will eventually drop this feed because she is already in line with what the book is describing. When Kalya does feed I make sure she gets the full feed..no snacking or falling asleep at the boob. This apparently helps them build up enough reserves for the night time. She can now go from 9pm -3am without waking up hungry…which is fantastic. Plus her fussiness and projectile burping has disappeared.

Understanding Kaylaneese and speaking it through implementing a routine has made me feel more at ease with being a parent and a wife. Kayla smiles more and more each day and when she cries I feel like I am more confident in what the problem may be. Establishing a routine just makes sense to me and I no longer feel nervous going for coffee with friends or worried that I won’t have quiet time in a day.

Family Realisations

I have a single friend who is approaching the age of 30 and is so frustrated with the fact that she isn’t even close to getting married. While chatting to her I do get a sense of envy when she speaks about my life “Kanya you are married and have a child…your life is perfect!” But my response to this is – “Stop thinking the grass is greener on the other side and be content with where God has you right at this particular moment!” I think we often put unnecessary pressures and expectations on ourselves, so much so, that we forget to enjoy the moment God has us in.

I will give you an example of a realisation of contentment we had to make earlier this week. On Saturday Avon and I got dressed and ready for the celebration of one of Avons bachelor friends 30th. I wore my hair down and put on my try-to-be-sexy-black-number. The dinner arrangements were for 6:30pm so we had enough time to feed, bath and sooth Kayla. At no point during that day or week did we think we should not be going to a bachelors 30th……in our mind we were thinking – dinner party should be fine to take Kayla to. But when we arrived at the venue we clearly realised it was a Birthday Bash and the reality of being a family and no longer an outgoing (as in going out) couple finally hit us right there and then. The venue wasn’t a dinner venue but a Bar and there was a huge event taking place at the same time. People were dressed in costumes and most were fully charged with alcohol, even though it was so early in the evening. As we walked into the building we discovered that the 30th table was actually in the smoking section, which was for sure a no-go-zone for Kayla. My sister did try to warn us before we arrived but said we should judge for ourselves.

Avon and I both stood there and looked at each other with confirmation that – We should have just stayed at home……what were we thinking? So Avon went in to give his pal his 30th gift while I hung outside the smoking section carrying Kayla on her pouch. I got strange looks from people but hoped that I looked like one of the costume people and my costume was a MOMMY costume??? Then I thought maybe I should acted drunk..just to blend in….then again that could look even worse. So I just stood there awkwardly for 10 minutes. Avon and I ended the night at a quiet family restaurant across the way from the Bar. As we sat down to a quiet meal together it really dawned on us that the lifestyle across the way from us was now far beyond our reach. We could have sulked and got all upset about how our life will never be the same again ….that we couldn’t just go out as a couple and have a BLAST anymore….but we didn’t! We just accepted the circumstance we were in. Kayla was our priority now and this was an example of one of the sacrifices we would be making as a couple.

Anyways, my point is we should go though life humble and content with the blessings we have, the age we are and the circumstances we are in. …….CONTENT is the important part….and stop wishing that if I had this or that I will be happy. Happiness is a choice….experience it!

Early Days of Motherhood

The early days of motherhood were a real adjustment for me physically and emotionally. I had to physically get used to the way my body looked and felt and at the same time I had emotions that were partly to do with the hormones and also to do with the big change of being responsible for a precious life. But I probably wouldn’t have survived these days if it wasn’t for the support I got from my Mother, my Mother-in-law and my super supportive sister.

The whole concept of no longer being pregnant made me feel as if something was missing on my body. I thought that this must be what if feels like when someone has their leg amputated….well maybe not that extreme coz you would have had your leg with you ever since you were born and being pregnant is only 9months. But just that whole aspect of having something removed from you, which you begin to realise wasn’t you…but a life….a child. Although I loved Kayla, I strangely missed having SIAM inside me. This lonely feeling was something that my friend Erica Marks warned me about when I first told her I could feel Siam moving inside of me. At the time I didn’t really have that deep bond with SIAM yet so didn’t really think I would miss it much. But Erica was right I did miss it. My tummy was no longer large and solid with Siam’s unexpected movements. It was now a bulge of soft skin that moved like jelly when you pinched it…or even walked and any movement I felt was for sure a bowel movement. While standing naked in the mirror I no longer had that graceful moment of caressing my pregnant tummy but rather an awkward rub to sooth the uterus while it was cramping back into place. I would wonder if I would ever look like I did before the pregnancy. … or would I be one of those ladies that shows people photos of how I used to look in my younger days…just so people would know I didn’t always have this tub of jelly on me.

Although my tummy had somewhat shrunk, my boobs unexpectedly exploded into Dolly Parton type boobs. The kind of boobs that looked fake and don’t move or change shape when I laid down. You would have thought I would be proud of my new boob job but I wasn’t at all. What had happened was 2 days before delivery I drank a home made milk-stimulating formula called Jungle berry juice. I drank it …more like – chugged it….because I wanted to make sure that when I delivered, my newborn wouldn’t be starved of milk. I probably should have waited till after I had delivered because my breasts were in overload milk production. I had never felt such discomfort in my breasts before. They were so huge that I couldn’t even sleep at night without a bra on to hold them down. I began using any home remedy to cool off the situation – from cabbage leaves, to warm and cool towels, to showers. My mom suggested I expressed some of the milk but I couldn’t even touch them myself. What worked best was just using gravity to drain out the pressure. Yup I would just hang over the bathtub and just let it flow, like a lactating cow. I experienced the most pain when I hugged people, especially people who were already gifted in the breast department. I would see them coming in for a congratulations hug and it would trigger a moment of “ABORT, ABORT HUG……” and my chest would retreat back while my arms would proceed forward for a light hugging embrace

At 5am on Day 4 my cry hormones officially kicked in. I had found myself wide awake sitting at the kitchen counter not quite sure of what I was going to do with myself. So I ended up just reflecting back on my labour and the events of the past couple of days. I really felt like the pregnancy, the labour and the unbelievable support we got were all miracles which I felt I didn’t deserve. Once again I had reached a point where I couldn’t thank God enough for everything He had blessed me/us with. So I prayed an emotional “Thank you Lord, prayer!” and as the thankfulness began to flow I was drawn to each and every person that had been supporting us during that time. That was when I decided to write thank-you cards, which just made me even more emotional.

I had been warned about the hormones that come to visit you on Day 3 or 4 after labour. Since I can generally be an emotional person I was super scared that this time might be the official tantrum or Ninja moment (fight instinct). What made me even more fearful was the fact that my mother-in-law was going to be staying with us during that time. Even though I get along quite well with my mother-in-law, while I was pregnant I had visions of me blowing a fuse at her for no reason on those pre-warned Day 3 or 4. My visions were so bad that I thought just to be safe I better ask my mom to stay with us till my hormones had cooled down. But when my mother-in-law told me she would like to stay with us till the baby’s cord fell off, I was left speech-less coz I knew it wouldn’t fall before Day3 or Day 4. At that particular moment I could hear a flight attendants voice saying “For your own safety please remain at home, till Kanya’s hormones have come to a complete stop!” This sounded a bit syko, so to save myself the embarrassment and to avoid the rejection of such a wonderful offer I agreed to her suggestions. So my mother-in-law stayed with us for the first week and then my mother came for the second week.

It was a huge blessing having both my mother-in-law and Mother by my side during those first 2 weeks with Kayla. They were all super supportive and helpful with everything from cleaning to massaging, to ironing and mopping. I don’t know what I would have done with out them….my house would have probably have been in a mess and Avon and I probably would have starved lol. I learnt so much about each of these motherly figures and Kayla also benefited from just their presence. They also gave me space to be a mother and learn for myself, which I greatly appreciated. If it wasn’t for them I probably would have ended up gong Ninja on Avon on that scary day 3 or Day 4. So thanks Moms!