Learning Kaylaneese

Being a good parent involves understanding exactly what your child is trying to tell you. It isn’t an easy job because we all express ourselves in different ways and most of the time the child isn’t quite sure why he/she is acting a certain way or saying the things they are saying. But we as parents need to be able to find a way to get to the heart of the matter and making decisions on how to best move forward…It is like learning how to understand a new language and as bad as I am with languages …I think I can finally understand Kaylaneese which is Kayla’s personal baby language.

In the beginning I didn’t communicate with Kayla at all, I would just feed, burp and sooth her. In my mind she was a baby and didn’t actually know what she wanted. We made sure we fed Kayla probably every 2 hours or when she seemed hungry.If she was awake she was awake and if she was asleep she was asleep. It was all haphazard and disorganised really.  I would reach points when she would cry and I wouldn’t know what to do…was she hungry, wet, tierd, moody?? I would hold her up and look at her just crying and it at times would make me just want to cry.

This Kaylaneese miscommunication phase was super tough for our family. For about a week Kayla would just gag and projectile spit my milk, then in the evenings she would just fuss and squirm from 6pm-11pm. I read up on everything it could possibly be from colic to reflux. Within a week Avon and I had finished a whole bottle of  the miracle medicine “Gripe Water”….it was the only thing that soothed Kayla. I then spent a whole lot of money on homeopathing digestive salts for babies. In my mind I was thinking there has got to be a remedy for whatever it was that caused Kayla to cry so much. This phase also put strain on our relationship. As soon as Avon would get home from work I would hand him Kayla and then start cooking. Then we would eat, but one at a time (me first then Avon) and if Kayla was still awake….and she usually was, we would take turns comforting her. Avon would do the fist shift (8pm-10/11pm) because I would be super exhausted and irritable. I really hated when I was like this, mostly because I felt like I wasn’t very loving towards Kayla or my husband. I hated that I loved my sleep more than I loved hearing about Avons day, I hated that by the time Friday would come I would just be excited that it was Avon’s Night time duty.

As tough as this phase was it happened to be an important learning cuve for us as a family. Soon Kaylaneese started to make some sense. At some points Kayla was telling us that she was over stimulated and tired which would cause here to struggle to sleep. Then she was trying to tell us that mommies milk was coming in too strong for her to swallow properly….so mommy tried feeding her lying down. I then discovered she liked being upright after a feed so would keep her in her sling. These were all things Kayla was trying to tell us but it took us longer to click.

Soon we were speaking Kaylaneese J which is a language that effectively communicates our parenting decisions that will help Kayla in the long run. We based our parenting ideas on what we learnt in the Preparenting course we did with the church. The course was based on a book called Preparation for parenting by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo. It is all about parent directive feeding (pdf) and establishing a routine for your child. We did the course when I was 6 months pregnant and most of the time I would fall asleep in the class because it was in the evenings…so a lot didn’t sink in. As I re-read the book we started implementing the tips. Here is a kanya summary:

1. Feeding every 2.5 to 3 hours
2. Only keeping the child awake for 45-1hour (including the feed)
3. Putting the child down to sleep – teaching them to self sooth.
4. Making sure mom eats the right foods and has a good milk supply.
5. learning when to drop the night time feed.
6. Learning about Gods love and how to look after your child

If you are a new mom and are struggling with adapting I strongly suggest you get this book. I can officially say our family is doing so much better after establishing a routine. I can now plan my day around when she needs to sleep and feed. I can now put Kayla down in her cot and know she is going to fall asleep within 10 minutes and not be restless. Kalya is still waking up at 3am for a feed but I know she will eventually drop this feed because she is already in line with what the book is describing. When Kalya does feed I make sure she gets the full feed..no snacking or falling asleep at the boob. This apparently helps them build up enough reserves for the night time. She can now go from 9pm -3am without waking up hungry…which is fantastic. Plus her fussiness and projectile burping has disappeared.

Understanding Kaylaneese and speaking it through implementing a routine has made me feel more at ease with being a parent and a wife. Kayla smiles more and more each day and when she cries I feel like I am more confident in what the problem may be. Establishing a routine just makes sense to me and I no longer feel nervous going for coffee with friends or worried that I won’t have quiet time in a day.