Today you are going to wake up in a strangers house with different smells and sounds, and you will probably wonder “where is Mommy?” You may want to cry because it is different and just doesn’t make sense that I am not there to smile down at you as you grace the world with your wakeful smile. But I hope this letter somehow reaches you before you wake up because I need to try and explain the reason for this situation and maybe it will help mommy stop crying.
I love you so much Kayla, I loved you even before I laid eyes on you, but love isn’t only about holding you 247 it is also about making smart decisions about your future. My decision to go back to work is only one of the many love decisions your dad and I will make. We realised that financially we would not be able to provide for you best if I didn’t go to work. We would like you to go to good schools and live with us in a house not in a flat 3 stories above ground. And for all this to be possible mommy has to work too. Trust me Kayla I have looked into many different options…from starting my own business to working half days….but because my job is far half days won’t work and we need to save money if we want our business to work.
On Monday I took you to see some crèches in the neighbourhood. They were all clean and very dynamic but I felt like you were still too young to be going to a crèche. The ratios were 1:5….which means one helper to 5 kids. I felt that you were to young for this…not even Auntie Nyemu was 1:5….at your age…she was 1:4 and that was with Mom. Dad and I prayed about our decision for about a week and God has blessed us with a Day Mom. She is a wonderful Christian and someone who we trust and have known for 2 years. She has a child of her own who is almost a year who you can be friends with. I really believe she will meet your needs better than any crèche around here. And well today is our trial day to see if it will work when mommy goes to work in 2 weeks time.
So hang in there my Angle. Soon this bed and home that you wake up in will be familiar to you and you will be excited to spend time there. Daddy will drop you off and mommy will pick you up and the routine will be normal for you. I will look forward and cherish every moment I share with you and will continue to love you more and more each day.
>>>>>>> So I went to pick Kayla up from her day mom and Kayla didn't even look like she missed me.....I greated her while she was in the day moms hands and she just looked up at me contently.....maybe thats a good thing. I probably cried more than she did that day. GOSH I don't want to go back to work.