The Rhythm of My Pregnancy: Suddenly it Hits You! (Week8)

When my first morning sickness symptoms kicked in, Avon was away on a conference and I was sleeping over at Marcia and Craigs place. That morning I woke up and just stared at the thatched roof, something told me to just turn over and pray. So I did but I wasn't so sure what I was praying for or about but I thought I would give him thanks and praise.

I thought I was going to be like my mom and have no morning sickness. But morning sickness struck me down like a bolt of lightning. I hadn’t told Marcia and Craig yet just because I wanted to be sure I was pregnant. I remember Craig offering to cook a “egg and bacon breakfast!” and the thought made my tummy turn. I could barely hold down my regular oat meal porridge.

I got to work and as I hung over the office toilet throwing up and just started crying. WHY! WHY! I mean now I know I am officially pregnant but WHY such a sickness. I felt like saying “baby you making mommy not so happy!” Then I realised that maybe it doesn’t have a brain yet. I remembered reading that by now the baby has a heart and webbed feet and legs. It would be like talking to a Gecco (lizard).  The thought made me laugh none the less.

I tried not to make much noise while gagging because no one in the office knew I was pregnant yet. The whole silence of not telling people made me feel really lonely. People would ask me about their GIS tasks and I really just wanted to say GUYS leave me alone I am having a baby here! But no one knew, I just looked like I was having a bad day…almost every day! Even my walking pace, in the corridor, slowed down big time. I was so lucky to be sleeping over at Marcia and Craig’s – coz the drive home would have just made me even more sick. 

Rejection and Cloudy Days

It’s a gloomy Thursday morning and it sucks to be at work when you could have possibly been at a shoot. The real question that was on my mind was “how am I doing with rejection?” In the modelling/film industry rejection is part of the job. You go for auditions; you strut your stuff and pray that they call you back and if they don’t call you back you have to learn to know that …it is not YOU…but maybe you just didn’t have what they were looking for. But that isn’t always easy… sometimes you just want to give up and give in.

So a couple of weeks ago I went for a casting call for a female product. I can’t disclose the name or the brand because it is all secret. Two days later I get into the top 30 from 200 ladies…. “Not so bad,” I think to myself. Then 2 weeks later I am in the top 14 call back list from which they choose 10 girls. I thought I was excited at top 30 but wow top 14 I was now over the roof. And not only that…this particular job pays you for the call back, which is good because most of the time you end up taking days off real work to chance it at an call-back (doesn’t guarantee you the job).

Arriving to the call-back was and event in itself. I got super lost in traffic and ended up on the other side of Jozi. The casting director called and said – YOU have 5 minutes. When someone tells you that you have 5 minutes and you still have no idea where you are….. its terrible. In the car I reached that point of - where you know if you dwelled any further on your ridiculous lost ness and lateness – you would probably cry. Two tears fell and I thought this was the last thing I needed for a call-back – bloody red eyes. I started praying and said Lord please just get me there and may they not be mad.

10minutes later I franticly parked and I ran like a mad woman across the studio parking lots. This was the studios where they shoot big Soapies…and here I was running for a bloody call back. The team looked at me and a man said “I knew it was you…I recognised you from the pictures….Dam I am good.” I was panting and almost in tears trying to explain how I had got so lost and how right now I am trying to fight tears, but I understand if they want me to go. A lady said… “Its fine just go with him to hair and makeup.” The man led me to a room and asked me to sit down. I was alone and emotional. How badly did I want this job? Was it worth the tears and stress?

In no time I was dressed in a beautiful dress, had makeup on and was in front of the camera. I wish I could tell you guys what it was about…but I would have to save it for another blog – once the add is out. But it was pretty interesting and strange.I left the studio thinking…I didn’t do so bad, I mean the guy said “good job”..that should count for something…or was he just saying it.

They were supposed to call me yesterday to tell me if I got a role in the commercial. I sat at work staring at my phone like a teenage girl waiting for her crush to call. Every text and every call made me think “Maybe that’s them.” I would think..maybe I am thinking too much… let God do his work.. But the day ended with no call and no text. I tired not to take it to personally and I did have those talks with God “But why God L this would have made me happy..what was the point…am I missing something…what are you trying to teach me here.”

I know rejection is part of life but gosh it sucks. I guess the point is that we shouldn’t take it personally and just trust that God has a even better plan in store for us. There will be other jobs, other call backs we just got to keep our heads up and move forward. Maybe I am writing this just to re-assure/comfort myself. And it has helped.