Baby Shower Friendships



The yummy yummy food. Check out the Cake and Cup cakes!!

 Being pregnant with Siam has really made me appreciate the friendships I have and how dynamic, delicate and important each friendship is. Not sure exactly why I feel this way more when I am pregnant…could be the support we have felt during this phase of our life. But I think Siam’s baby shower really brought these emotions to the surface.

Siam's baby shower was really surprisingly such an amazing event. I say suprisingly because I really didn't know what to expect. It wasn't like my birthday or my wedding where I would know the details of the event – the who’s coming and what will take place....not at all....Baby showers are not for the mommy to plan so I was really in the dark. All I knew was that Maita and Marica were in charge. I give them both a hand of respect because planning a baby shower that has no "sex" also can be challenging. But what a magnificent baby shower they planned, everything was perfect from the food, games, to the smallest of details like small dummies on the table. The pock-a-dot theme filled the whole club house with beautiful colours of joy. Baby cloths were hung as decorations and small colourful lanterns hung from the ceiling. The cupcakes were delicious and the actual baby shower cake was probably the best cake I have ever had, with my name on it. The games they also planned made me feel like everyone was involved in the baby shower ....not just me opening presents. (Thanks Team M&M....).

Maita giving Bingo instructions...Good job sis!

Fun Decor

Whats a baby shower without babies? Especially happy ones :)

But what really made the baby shower so special were the people that came. We played a bingo game while opening each of the presents and while I opened each present I realized how dynamic the friendships I had with each and every lady there. Each friendship was so different from the next and just as valuable and precious. There were old age friends and young aged friends, recent friends and long-term friends, cousin friends and family friends, friends who are friends through friends and friends who were once off friends. It meant so much to me that each and every one of them could make it. …not because of the presents but really it was the presence that was so valuable.

The following Sunday, as I folded away the new born cloths, packed away the nappies and displayed the toys – the reality of life, friends and love kicked in. A majority of what we had for Siam was all given to us by friends and family from far and wide. Some of it was brand new and some of it was second hand. If I was to mentally link any of the items in that room with an imaginary rope to a friend I was sure I would have created a quilt. … a strong friendship quilt that I felt so undeserving of. It built up such intense emotions in me….so much that by the time I finally got to rest my head, a flood gate of emotions just took over me like a storm. I probably cried harder than I had ever cried this whole pregnancy. Maybe it was my hormones but at that time those tears felt so valid and real.

I tried to explain to Avon why I was feeling so much emotions and all I could say was “Every friendship that we have is just so amazing – from the friendships overseas to the friendships surrounding us here. And everyone has given us so much and is so present in this phase of our life. It’s like Siam has this foundation around that he/she isn’t even aware of yet. But have you ever felt like you have received so much and you haven’t given enough. Right now I feel like words, sms’s, gifts, time are not sufficient expressions of my gratitude. I feel so helpless in my ability to express it all.”

As I write this I realise that maybe I didn’t have to cry so hard and it all could have possibly been linked to my pregnancy hormones. But the fact of the matter is I am so thankful for everyone who is part of our life. I used to crack a joke about having a friendship list that would have a limit to it and a waiting list. And people would earn their positions by their level of commitment to the friendship. If I met someone new who had the potential of being a great friend I would jokingly think “I really only have enough room for this many friends. ….I will have to put you on the waiting list! Or come back in a month’s time and there may be space.” But honestly speaking you can never have too many good friends in life. Friends are blessings not jobs and by failing to invest, forgive, commit in your friendships you really are only holding yourself back from a God given Gift.

~The Unexpected Angels~

There are people who come into your life who you would have never thought would impact you….but they do. And there are people who you would have probably never have encountered but then life puts you into a situation that creates a bond between the two of you that would have never been there before. Well this is a blog about how God used the least expected people to change ....I call them the Angels in life. This blog is a dedication to my friend Tania for Lupus Awareness day, May 10,2011.

This journey all started when I met Piet-louis and Althea during the Graduate orientation week at the University of Waterloo. They were a South African couple starting their PHD in the same Department as me. Piet-louis was a typically structured Afrikaans man, and if you don’t know what that looks like – big boned, rounded tummy, strong opinionated kind of guy. At first appearance I thought “Lord of all the people you could have sent from South Africa, why Afrikaners!” Yes that was probably racist of me but where I came from a majority of Afrikaners were perceived as racist themselves and stuck to their own kind. So really it was almost like “I don’t like them because most of them don’t like us (people of colour!)”…so I thought.

Piet-louis was probably the first person I had ever introduced myself to – as a Christian….or as he said “Sister in Christ!” When he knew I was a Christian his face lit up with excitement and he proudly introduced me to his wife Althea. They didn’t know it at the time but for me the whole introduction as a Christian wasn’t natural to me. I was more an under cover Christian, who prayed in silence and spoke my mind in private. But after this meeting it all changed as our friendship developed into a whole prayer group that met once a week at their home. Through them I learnt so much about trusting God and also realised the sin in me! After 8 months it was like we had been friends since birth. To the point that, I was travelled to South Africa to meet them there and see what opportunities could come up for my master’s research.

Althea, Piet-louis, Amy, Rene and cousins

Piet-louis, Althea and their two kids welcomed me to South Africa. I had one week to sort myself out while with them. Yup one week to get the research position, find a place to live, organise a car, find my way around ect. Through prayer everything happened like a miracle – Piet-louis and Althea loaned me their car because they were going back to Canada, I got funding through Piet-louis work he did with Maccaferri, South Africa.  Piet-louis also introduced me to a family friend called Tania, who offered her spare bedroom to me for rent for the 4 months I was in South Africa.

Living with Tania was how I found out about the disease Lupus. Now Tania was a couple of years older than I was and was also very much Afrikaans.  She was diagnosed with Lupus around about the age I was at the time. I had never heard of such a decease but Lupus is (aka SLE) is a chronic, incurable, potentially life-threatening, auto-immune disorder, whereby the body’s defence mechanisms ‘attack’ itself. It is not contagious, but genetic and affects mostly women between the ages of 14-50; however, the illness can occur in men, newborn infants, children and the elderly.

As the months went on Tania and I became really good friends and I witnessed the true effects of this disease and it baffled me. All of a sudden the stresses of my life really appeared to be insignificant compared to what she was going through. She was such a hard worker and extremely clever but some days her body just wouldn’t want to get out of bed. You see Lupus mainly attacks the joints, skin, lungs, kidney, heart, blood vessels, liver and nervous system. Tania would tell me that some days she would lie in bed and command her body to function eg. tell her legs – you better start moving coz we have work to do! Her body would get internal bruises out of no where no bump or anything just a bruise that would appear. She would fear using her sick days because she was afraid there would be a time she would really need them. So she pushed and worked herself harder than any other employee.

One night we sat up and watched a movie about a lady who was trying to fight cancer. The movie ended so well with her being able to fight the cancer and eventually have children. I just blurted out “wow isn’t that great!” but I didn’t realise that Tania had got emotional with the movie. She said to me “Sometimes I wish I had cancer!” That really put her disease into perspective for me. She was wishing she could have cancer because there could be a chance that she could get cured and could eventually have a child… yet with Lupus there was no cure and children were not an option. I was shocked. 

Tania still smiling when I visited her in hospital

The real traumatic moment for me was when she went through a period of illness known as ‘flares’ and she got admitted to hospital. Just before I walked into her hospital room I listened to the doctor explaining what was going on inside her. The doctor drew a diagram illustrating that her whole oesophagus, tummy and intestines were raw/damaged! My tummy turned at the thought of the pain she could be experiencing. But when we sat and chatted she cried, not about the pain but the fact that she couldn’t go to an event with her friend that night. You see the part of her suffering that hurt her most wasn’t the sickness but how it affected her friendships and her ability to live a normal life. Something a lot of us take for granted each day.

Nyemu, Kanya, Tania, Mom in Tania's 

apartment

Living with Tania really shed light on the true essence of life! She would say we are all going to die at some point…..God told me when I was going to die and I will live and cherish each day and every friendship till then. Tania was such a strong Christian and never doubted herself and Gods purpose over her life. Even when I asked here would you have wanted to have wished this disease away? She explained she found something inside of herself that she would not have been able to have found if she didn't go through with this experience. I visited her church and as we sang pure Afrikaans hymns I really felt Gods presence. I stood there singing in my new Afrikaans accent and looked around at all the Afrikaans faces and thought "Lord you have opened up my eyes and heart to things I never thought I needed changing or stirring up! You put Tania and the Grundling family into my life like unexpected Angels......Thank you!"

_______________________________ 

Living with Tania ignited a real self reflection - could I continue to live if this happened to me, would I still be able to serve and trust my mighty God? Why do bad things happen to good people? Well these are also some of the questions my pastor asked himself when he was battling with cancer! If you are interested in answers, we start a new series this week called “Why do Bad Things happen” and it hopes to answer some of these heart struck questions.. go to  www.godfirst.co.za  (click resources) for each video preach.  

Have your cake and eat it too..Lies!

After a hectic weekend of craving cake, I could not resist an invite, from Marcia, to a treat at Isebella's bakery/restaurant (Pretoria).

Marcia had warned me about the cakes from this shop and she was so right, this was not your average piece of cake. It was beautiful, it even smelt good, just sitting ther on my plate. As I sunk my teeth into the Turkish delight cake I could feel all my female sense come to life. Woooooooooo...... HELLO WORLD. The icing was rich with flavour, with hints of Turkish delight pieces hidden within it. I hadn’t tasted anything like it before. The moisture and texture oozed with perfection. I savoured each bite like a kid trying not to suck on a sweet for too long…just so it wouldn’t finish too quick. It was indeed a taste of heaven.

Two hours and 3 cups of earl grey tea later, it dawned on us that we were not young anymore….we couldn’t have our cake and eat it too…we were getting to the age where we have to pay the price of eating cake L. The older we were getting the more the cakes were staying with us.…. On the hips and thighs. Marcia and I laughed at how when we were in high school we would eat 6 slices of bread minimum….. and we would still be skinny and hungry. Gone are the days … Soo gone

Best Friends Never Fade

Yesterday was a really special day because I was having lunch with my best friend from high school. It has been 10 years sense we had seen each other yet speaking to her on the phone sounded like it was just yesterday. The sense of familiarity in her voice reminded me of the feelings I share with my sisters. But before I take you through the motions of yesterday let me give you a brief history about our friendship.

Marcia and I met at Watershed boarding school in 1995 (I think that was form 1). I remember seeing her for the first time as she moved into the cubical next door to me. I think she was with her cousin and was talking away but I didn’t know it was her cousin and just though how can they be friends so quick. I was so nervous that first day of boarding school, I got shivers knowing very well that this was where I was going to spend the next 4 months away from home (Swaziland) and I was 14yrs old. I was even more scared about making friends.

But meeting Marcia was like an instantaneous friendship as we saw so many similarities in each other. For starts she was also far away from home – Zambia; we were the only two coloured girls in our form… well there was another girl Claudia but she was more whiter looking than coloured, oh and there was Cheryl but she was too mature for us so that didn’t count. So let me rephrase this, in form 1 Marcia and I were the only two, crazy loud mouth coloureds, with uncontrollable hair and a complete disinterest in boys.

Our wing prefect Alziera took a liking in us both probably because we were so crazy and fun and yet so far away from home. Getting favoured by the dorm prefect is like your ticket to surviving first year boarding school. We would get to sneak into her room and sit up and have tea with condense milk. Sometimes she would even let us sleep on her floor. Alziera to us was like an older sister. She shared stories about her boyfriends she was always so joyful and positive. Something both Marcia and I learned quickly from.

Form one was tough days for most of us. Some nights we would hear girls crying in their beds during lights out and these were the weekly boarders….. Yet Marcia and I wouldn’t see our moms for 4 months and these girls were crying. One night when someone was crying, one of the tough girls in our form probably, Tariro Gurupira because she wouldn’t take crap from nobody, shouted during lights-out, “COME ON SUCK IT UP, how do you think Kanya and Marcia feel when you are crying and you get to see your mom every weekend.” Marcia and I probably giggled in our beds.

Both Marcia and I were convinced the hostel was haunted by one legged Sam. He was a ghost that jumped off the train that passed by our school at early hours in the morning. Apparently some people have heard him walking down the corridors sounds like a nock then a slide, a nock then a slide. The nock was the sound of his wooden leg. I used to freak myself out just thinking about that sound…and probably convinced myself that I actually heard it. Some nights it was so bad that Marcia and I would have to sleep in the same bed. I still don’t’ know how we fitted in those single size metal beds with thin foam mattresses, but we did.

Although we were so young at this stage I really believe we learnt so much from each other because we were growing and it was a transformation phase. My friendship with Marcia helped me survive my Ugly duckling phase. Yup that’s what I called it….because of stress my exzema was bad and made me have patch skin which gave me the name PatchWork, I had a terrible afro which gave me the name FizzPop and I was terrified of boys…there was no name for that. Yet Marcia looked passed all that I was her friend and that’s what mattered. Marcia, Tanatsa and I were the TLC girls of the hostel, we gave each other names T-boz, Chilly and (gosh what was the other girls name. Marcia gave me confidence that I would be protected by the senior boys (Dennis and Mark) that would make fun of me when I walked passed. To this day I still have the letter in my diary from Marcia telling me that God will protect me from the boys and that everything would be okay.

But like any friendship we go through phases and Marcia and I started really growing up. The similarities we saw in each other and valued almost became the downfall of our friendships. Soon we were named ladies of the Spice girls, I was Posh spice and she was Scary spice. People compared us which in turn made us compare ourselves to each other…Scary spice was definitely more prettier than Posh spice…L. Soon our boobs started growing and we actually started caring what the boys would think. Because we were so similar the same types of guys would like us and we would like the same types of guys. As I read through my diaries I write as if it is Marcia that changed but really it was me. Everything felt like a competition in some strange way. But instead of us building each other up I think we thought it would be best to keep our friendship at just friends and not best friends probably both thinking that it would be healthier for us both. I think we would probably have been a lot happier if we kept our best friendship because in loosing that I think we destroyed each other. This was something I felt so ashamed of.

By the time boarding school was over, I had never felt so lost in my life, yet I was now forced to move onto the next phase of life, University. Arriving in Canada was probably just as scary as arriving to my first day at boarding school. Although I was older, 19yrs old, I was 100 times infact a zillion times further away from home. This time I had no idea when I would see my family again. I had the same friendship fears as form one but this time I thought who would want to be friends with me because I was so unless at keeping my high school friendships, jealous and self centred.

Then I met Jackie Lee, in health class 101, a half Korean half Canadian talkative chick who after class invited herself over for lunch at my dorm. I remember thinking gosh she talks so much and yet she thought I talked too much and could hardly understand my accent. In my diaries I wrote about how I could never be friends with her because she was too good looking and I may not be able to handle my own jealousy levels.

But Gods plan was different and we were able to build a friendship that would last throughout university. From abusive relationships to successful ones we learnt how to support each other. The successes and failures in our lives built us into where we are today. From being broke to being rich…it didn’t matter coz our friendship was constant. Here again in a completely different continent I found similarities about myself in someone else. We were both half breeds, both liked to dance, both Loved God, both adventurous, both deep and meaningful. Yet we were so different too, Jackie was a bit more aggressive in perusing her dreams, I was more slow and steady, she loved the fast life of the city and the nice cars and clothes, it didn’t matter as much to me; Jackie could network with the rich and famous with ease but I would pretend like I was the rich and famous; Jackie liked facts to believe and I believed more based on feelings.
When I left Canada to come to South Africa, for Good, it was like first year boarding school, first year University all over again. This time my fears were that I had no friends here and I would have to start afresh…at the age of 27yrs but this time I had a husband and I was closer to home. I have managed to make friends here and their but I have had a deep longing for that strong friendship. I look at my husband who has managed to keep all his high school friends and I almost get a sense of disappointment that I have made so many friends, but here I am at 28yrs and where are my close friends that I have made over the years of my life.
















Then two weeks ago I get a message for Marcia saying she can’t believe we haven’t met up yet. She lives right close to where I work. I got a sense of excitement and also fear at the thought of meeting her again. Maybe it was the fears of our lousy high school endings. I have been reading through all my diaries lately just reflecting on life and capturing all the places where I talk about Avon. It has made me think about Marcia more than usual. Probably because when you read back on things, when you are more mature, you have a greater sense of the bigger picture. I realised where I went wrong in our friendship and had a strange feeling of curiosity on whether we could make it right again.
So my day yesterday at work was really hectic and I just had a feeling like this was not what I needed just before I was going to meet Marcia. I was already anxious as it was. But meeting her was like a breath of fresh air. It brought a tear to my eye. We had so much to catch up on and so many things to express. As we sat and chatted away it was like we never “separated.” Here we were 10 years later both married and both living in Gauteng. We talked about our ups and downs over the past 10 yrs, the crappy relationships and what we learnt from them. It was amazing and just what I needed.

When I heard her say she had been feeling the same way about not having friends here after moving from England, I just thought, “God could it be possible that you brought us back together at this particular time in our lives?” It was like it took all these years to make us realise what a true friendship we actually had and it was possible to make it right again.

Before leaving to meet with Marcia I got a sense of confirmation that everything was going to be okay. We called each other Twin in high school and I found a letter from her in my diary which ended with P.S Only death can separate Twinz. It was a chilling feeling but what it said was it didn’t matter what we went through or where we had been….nothing could separate us.
It was so strange bing with Marcia coz I kept wanting to call her Jackie. I haven’t wanted to call anyone that ever before. But instead of feeling bad about it I actually felt good because I knew the friendship I had in Jackie and it was probably my internal being that sensed the familiarity in the two friendships. This comforted me because I knew that everything was going to be okay our past was in our past and we were both so grateful that we could actually enjoy each others friendship now.

Okay so to cut this long blog short my point is that friendships are God ordained. People are brought into our lives for a reason and I want people to reflect on where their friendships went wrong and how you can make it right. This blog was the toned down version of where we went wrong. If it was you that messed it up humble yourself and ask for forgiveness. If you are the unforgiving person ask God to help you to forgive because life is way to short for you to carry an unforgiving heart. Friendships are blessings so do not hold yourself back on Gods Blessings.