Lets Talk About Love

As it is/was the Month of Love I thought I would write a blog on Love. If you are in a relationship and you are not quite sure if it is Love, if you are not in a relationship but are thinking about it and the concept of Love…well this blog might just be for you.

I used to think that Love just grows…So if you spend enough time with that person, if you adjust myself to that person….then you will start to love that person. I do still think Love grows but that is only one component of Love. There is so much more to Love than just a four letter word.

Before I proceed with my love points I want to really emphasise something which is so crucial in the journey of unconditional Love…..and that is God is Love! Eish….some of you might be thinking “Kanya do you really have to go into the religious aspects of it!!!!” My answer is YES and why I am so adamant about this is because I never found unconditional love until I found GOD! Yes you could have different aspects/personal idealistic sides of Love. But true genuine Love comes from God! And if it didn’t come from God then where did it come from…the Devil??? I highly doubt that.

The devil is very creative in developing perceptions of Love….just to push you soo far of the track. So be very, very careful! The devils attempt to imitate Love is yet another four letter word that begins with L…(how original!) and that is LUST! SHO! Lust can come from all angles and it can only lead to destruction…. Pornography, lustful thoughts, adultery…even romantic books ladies… are all forms of Lust (even I was shocked). All these will lead you to a complete disillusion of Love! So once you have got the Love not Lust question out of the way…you can proceed to the following questions and points:

1. Am I myself around him/her?

If you are not acting yourself around him/her…you got a problem! You should not have to be someone else, be it look or character. If you are generally a funny person and find yourself so serious around him/her….Nope that aint Love. Love is being comfortable in your own skin, with your own flaws and allowing that same comfort in your partner.

2. Does he/she make me feel good about myself?

If you find yourself never feeling good enough for him/her….you got a problem. But first check if this is not your own problem because some people tend to bring such degrading feelings on themselves….Sort it out!

3. Does he/she bring out the Good in me and I in him?

No body wants that someone to bring out the Bad in them. This is one of the reasons why God is so important in the relationship. He helps us to forgive, He moves us towards a greater purpose together and He is truly the person who brings out the good in you and helps you to bring out the good in the other person. With out God …achieving this point can be very difficult.

4. Do we understand each others Love Language?
If you don’t know what a love language is please refer to my previous blog. If you cannot understand what that persons love language is or if you choose not to understand it then how can you love that person. Love isn’t just there for show….. it is fully present and that is why this is a language. You can express it through sign language or spoken language. Think of it this way. You cant speak Chineese to a ZULU and expect the Zulu to understand!!! BRRRR…. So don’t expect that in Love either….Learn each others love language. Take that time….and it will make a world of a difference.

5. Are our arguments Destructive or Constructive?

Destructive arguments usually come from past hurts..they can even be abusive types. If you are really serious about making this relationship work try moving towards Constructive arguments…you can’t keep bringing each other down! Get to the source of it… if it is unforgiveness you better try to forgive..if you want it to work. If it is past hurts from pervious experiences….Don’t target them to your partner…acknowledge that it isn’t them but you that needs help.

6. Do we understand each others expectations?

When Avon and I were doing our marriage counselling we had to write down what we expect from the other person. Understanding this makes the world of a difference. What are your expectations on household chores, kids, inlaws, privacy, love making ect. You name it we all have a certain level of expectations…. And when our partner falls short of these expectations it kinda hurts. But being aware of each others expectations helps avoid the miscommunication issues. So if Avon expects me to kiss him when he gets through the door I know I should…

7. Be honest with your Emotions!

I know most people try bottle emotions up, but we shouldn’t. You need to share the situation with your partner in a good and constructive way. Our thoughts can take us so far beyond what is taking place at that moment… it can be scary! Stop the thoughts dead in their tracks and confess them. It is okay to feel jealous we are only human… but how you express that emotion is crucial! What women tend to do is beat around the bushes and come up with our own crazy conclusion or maybe we nag the guy till we get what we want to hear! Or if he didn’t say something automatically means he is hiding something. …US WOMEN!!

Something we have learnt in expressing our emotions is beginning our discussion with “It makes me feel…… when this and that happens.” So for example saying it makes me feel unappreciated when you come home late!” …..the completely wrong way of saying it is “You always come home late and I can’t stand it!” Where is the construction in that. I know, I know…the later is what you really want to say…but you shouldn’t coz it doesn’t help you or the other person. But when you try saying it with your emotions it really helps you understand why you feel the way you do.

Okay I think that is all I have for now on my random points on love. There is so much more to talk about when it comes to love but you will have to call me to get it lol.

Let it Flow

I have this theory that I must cry at least once a month. It doesn’t necessarily need to be over big thing just a moment to get out the emotions that you might have felt but never let out. The frustrating part is when that cry comes at the most bizzar moments the moments when you actually don’t want to cry or not suppose to cry.
Like crying in an INTERVIEW! Well the story goes like this.. I was in university and I had managed to land my first co-op interview after all my friends had already landed jobs. Taruvinga. The interview was on camps so I had got dressed pretty smart and made sure I had plenty of time to get there. I entered the building 20 minutes before the time and sat in the waiting room for 15 minutes. I read through my notes and tried to think of all the reasons why I would be a good science teacher for a summer camp. Then I noticed that my name was not coming up on the screen so I went over to check at the reception. Only to find out that I was in the wrong building and that the interview was taking place in some Engineering office. I went into complete panic mode because I knew that the Engineering department was like Chinese to me because every time I had a class there I always got lost.

Out of breath and almost drenched in rain…. I finally found the office 10 minutes late for the interview. They said that they could still see me and I was relieved. I kept telling myself “Kanya keep it together! Kanya Keep it together!” And I was doing fine. Then I sat down in front of the pair that were interviewing me and tried to answer their first question. I knew exactly how to answer the question…I had my points. But something kicked in me “Kanya you were late! These guys are not going to give you the job! This is just embarrassing!” Those are the beat yourself up kind of thoughts… destroy them when they enter your mind. I tried and failed.

YUP! Youbet cha I cried. You know when your eyes are just swelling up out of nowhere….you are still talking though and pretending as if there is absolutely nothing wrong with you! Then it was way to obvious to hide the tears and I apologised... cried some more blew my snotty nose. The lady seemed to understand but I could tell the gentle man was a bit uncomfortable. I then composed myself and went through the interview with super confidence! So much so that I actually got the Job. Maybe they thought I was just the right person because I was connected with my emotions…so therefore could connect with kids. Who knows!

But my point is….let it out and don’t be ashamed of it. What you might think is a weakness could actually be strength! My husband now understands me when I say I just need to cry. When I feel that build up I take a moment and just let it all flow! My thought is it is better to let your emotions come out like that than through something else…. Bitterness, anger, irritability, drugs, who knows. I would rather let the tears flow and know ...it can only get better after this :).

Eczema for life???

My Eczema (random rash) has been with me all my life. It used to be really bad in high school and thats why some people called me Patch work...because my skin was sooo patchy. Eczema comes and goes as it pleases and I never really knew what triggered it. Sometimes I think it is the soap, sometimes the food, sometimes the perfume, or just my stress levels. And just when I think I have grown out of it, Eczema comes back to say HOWZIT. So after seeing many doctors,avoiding so many different foods and trying many different creams all my life, I decided to go to a Homeopath. The whole journey took me way back not only in the foods I ate but the emotions I felt with dealing with eczema.

The homeopath explained that before I could start seeing any positive results I needed to set 5 solid foundations. I thought I would share it with you because it applies to everyone...not just us eczema peeps.

1. Drink 3 Litres of water a day in summer and 2 litres in winter (Kanya: Sho I barely drink 1.5 litres).
2. Drink only filtered water (Kanya: I always drink from the tap)
3. You need vitamins or homemade vegetable juices.
4. Omega 3 oils are vital (Kanya: O flax seed has that… I take about 1 tsp a day), Homeopath: well that is not enough at all because you have eczema you need at least 3 tbls a day of concentrated Omega 3.
5. You need 80% live food and 20% Dead food. Because live food balances the PH in your body. Should be ph 6.8 (Kanya: O ha I have had plenty of live food this month.)

Homeopath: “Well tell me then what did you have for breakfast:
Kanya: Oats and cranberries
Homeopath: DEAD FOOD, and for lunch.
Kanya: Chickpea curry and brown rice,
Homeopath: DEAD FOOD and for dinner,
Kanya: Beans and whole wheat pasta
Homeopath: DEAD FOOD.
Kanya: You gotta be kidding me!

So although I thought I was healthy, most of the food I was eating was dead food. When you eat a majority of dead food your body ph becomes acidic and you start getting side effects like gout, kidney problems, liver, eczema ect because your body is trying to balance it. Anyways after I had fully understood the 5 step foundation it was time to do the food tolerance and organ test.


People the whole homeopath process was soooo fascinating! I had to hold a metal object in one hand and he pressed on pressure points on my other hand. But as he pressed the pressure points a graph would appear on the computer illustrating whether each of my organs were weak, healthy or stressed. I was shocked to find out that my liver was both weak and stressed and wasn't surprised to see my skin stressed. I was told that it was most likely due to the foods that I am eating and then he proceeded to test various types of foods.

I thought the organ test blew me away, but the food test was  “Mind Blasting” (with a Russell Peter accent)!  As he selected a food, a graph would show and I would pray it was safe…. I would give a air punch of joy as he went through my favourite fruits, meats and starch (rice). After about 100 different food tests we discovered that i struggle digesting, whole wheat, sugar, CHICKEN, peanuts, all dairy, coffee and rum (lol the last one I made him check ….lol just in case). IMAGINE! I reflected on all those chocolates, cakes, yogurt breakfasts….

So since I have been eating all these foods all my life my digestive system has struggled to break them down and thus my liver has been stressed getting it out of my system! (I concluded that and I think that makes sense). I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulder. NOW I KNOW! The doctor gave me some herbal liver cleansing stuff and some fowl smelling cream…..which he warned me that my husband will hate. Even though I was told it would get worse before it got better....I thought the worst was over...I was now on the path of recovery..... I could deal with another week of eczema.....So I thought!

 

And 3 days later….my skin  had turned my selfesteem into a complete wreck! It all struck me while Avon and I were sitting in the car outside church. My skin had been the worst it had ever been since I was in high school. I was also irritable, anxious and not myself. A wave of my high-school skin issues just came over me…the feeling of people looking at me and asking me “what is wrong with your skin?” I thought I had gotten over all this, I thought I could deal with this....but my walls all came crashing down???

As Avon tried to encourage me to go inside….he reminded of when my mom used to beg me to come somewhere and I would put up such a fuss because my skin was bad. The fact that my skin was visibly bad (head to toe red with blotches everywhere) my heart just felt defeated. And because my heart was defeated I was irritable and moody. And I felt bad that Avon had to be the one to deal with me. Apparently my mood swing wasn't so bad but I knew the frustrations that were boiling up in me and I didn't like it ...it wasn't me and it wasn't who I wanted to be. So I apologised to Avon and sucked up all the courage to walk into Church. 

As we sang I could feel my eyes swell up with tears because I knew I had failed. I knew I had let my outside appearance try to define me and it wasn’t right. I had dugg up an old wound that had healed long ago.  I was still Kanya….so what if I had a bad skin day! That wasn’t what God saw or sees in me! And right there in the church I was brought back down to earth. I was humbled in my situation and it was as if it was a new day and I was me again. Maybe this Homeopath therapy will work...and maybe it won't. Only God knows!



This was the day before the full outbreak of eczema. Those red blotches on my arm were on my neck and  face!